Live In The Truth

"Don't look back and grieve over the past, it's gone.
Don't be troubled by the future, it has yet to happen.
Live in the present and make it beautiful,
so it's worth remembering."

I found this randomly on a blog because I accidentally clicked on the "next blog" button. I thought it was a good message so I decided to post it.

My Other Blog

I got an email today asking me why I never post some of my deeper thoughts anymore. This blog is currently about my experiences and adventures I have. I have broken away from posting really deep thoughts here, because I didn't feel like it was right to have them here. Because of this, I started another blog that I only post my deeper thoughts on in my search for meaning. I have it in my profile and some people have found it, but not a lot. I have liked this, but I guess some people like my deeper thoughts and they are sometimes helpful to them. Here is my other blog and I guess it is time to stop hiding it from the masses.

Believe

-"Believe" Yellowcard

I've always loved this song and it came up on my iPod today and made me feel really good, so I thought I'd share it with all of you.

Moving On Up

Sean, at your convenience, I would like to talk with you about adding to
what you are currently doing - said differently, teaching you about
cloning and putting you on a specific project. I am pleased with your
progress and your independence and suspect that you would learn more by
modifying what you are doing. Let me know some times you are available
and we can set up an appointment.

The professor that I am working with on HIV/AIDS research sent me this and I feel amazing! I really can't describe my emotions right now. This is my chance to be published and move on to bigger and better things. What makes it even better is that I'm doing it as an undergraduate and this will totally help me out when I apply to medical school. Who knows, I might help develop a cure for HIV/AIDS with him and be world famous!

I'm moving on up! :)

Swim

-"Swim" by Jack's Mannequin

You gotta swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
Swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open yeah
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
For nights that wont end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers your friends
Yeah you gotta swim
For wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed is a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim to brighter days
Despite of the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's an ocean to drift in
Feel the tide shifting away from the spark
Yeah you gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just find the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

I love this song. It is such a wonderful message. There may be tidal waves that pull you down and try to drown you, but you gotta swimming. You have to keep swimming to survive. The horizon and your goals aren't too far away. You can make it. Don't let yourself sink... Just keep your head above and swim.

Madonna!

This post has been long awaited by some of it and it is finally here!

A couple of weeks ago, I went to the Madonna concert in Vegas and it was AMAZING! It was more than AMAZING! It was SPECTACULAR and FAN-FREAKIN'-TABULOUS! I can say that I can almost die a happy man. There is one thing that would have made me happy and content for life that I'll talk about later in the post.

I went down to Vegas in the afternoon on Friday, November 7th. I went down with two of my best girl friends and it was a blast. On the way down, we took tons of pictures, sang at the top of our lungs, had great conversations, ate a whole box of family sized CHEEZ-ITS, ate at In-n'-Out, and many other adventurous things! It was a blast and a half. We got to Vegas around 7 pm and found our hotel. I got a sweet deal on a four star hotel ($50 per night) and it was amazing! After we checked-in, we got ourselves all pretty, and wanted to go out clubbing. There is one problem... I am not 21. Sad story ensues... There used to be some 18 and up clubs in Vegas, but they all closed down. So we didn't go clubbing. We took my camera and toured the strip and did a lot of shopping instead. Much fun ensued with me running around like a little boy in the various clothing stores. Oh I do love shopping! I didn't buy anything clothing that first night cause I wanted to check out a lot of stores so I could buy what I absolutely loved. We finished shopping about midnight and then headed back to the hotel.

Saturday morning, we got up about 8 and got ready for the day. It was the day that I got to see Madonna! I was like a little school boy prancing around all day! I was so excited. We headed to IHOP and it had to be the worst IHOP that I had ever been to. The food took an hour to get out (the place wasn't even busy) and I had to ask for hot syrup (WTF?!?!). The the waitress was an old raunchy hag that whenever I asked for more water she looked like she wanted to kill me. She didn't dampen my spirit that day. Nothing could! One little treasure we got out of IHOP was this picture. We then headed out to do some shopping! I found a lot of things that I loved and bought a lot! It was a wonderful day. I won at shopping! We then headed back to the hotel, swam, and hung out by the pool working on our tans. We then headed back to our room, showered and got ready for dinner and Madonna! I was getting ready to pee my pants because I was so excited by this time!

We went to dinner at a really good authentic Mexican restaurant--some of the best mole I have ever had! Then we headed off to the MGM Grand for the concert! The whole way there I was bouncing up and down. I couldn't wait! We got to the MGM Grand and I was running as fast as I could to get to the concert. We got into the the arena and I bought a shirt and a jacket. They are so hot (the jacket involves a story that I'll tell later in the post). We got to our seats and sat down. Then this really hot guy and his fugly boyfriend come and sit next to us. My girl friend and I just looked at each other and smiled. He was really hot. We sat there having a good time waiting for the concert to start when all of the sudden some from Madonna's staff was coming up the stairs. She stopped at our row and asked to the the cute guy's tickets. She then went on to tell them that they won front row seat tickets! WTF?!?!?! I was so angry! That could have been me! I could have been at the very front, inches away from Madonna, her sweat falling upon me, and I could have touched her hand! That's right, the cute guy got to touch Madonna's hand! That would have made my life complete! I was so sad, but that didn't last long. My girl friend told me that I should have won the cute guy over and kicked his fugly boyfriend to the curb so I could have gone to the very front and touch Madonna! Sigh... such is my life sometimes. I was so close, yet so far...

As I said, the concert was AMAZING! I can't even describe it. She is by far one of the best performers. It was the best concert of my life. I loved all of her songs, remixes, and everything about it. It was well worth the money I spent on it! The concert lasted a couple of hours and it was a couple of hours in heaven for me. I loved every minute of it! I was on cloud nine for the rest of the night. The rest of the night, we had two really fun adventures! The first came while we were walking home (actually they both came as we were walking home). For all of you have been to Vegas, there are Hispanic men and women that line the streets handing out fliers to get prostitutes. Well, I thought it would be funny to go up and ask to see if they have guys. Then my girl friend would come and grab me and say really loud that I'm not gay anymore and that I am straight. Well, we did it and it was hilarious! The Hispanic people didn't take long to pick up on what I was talking about. All of the sudden about five of the started shouting, "free penis, free penis," while they were trying to hand me the flier about women. I wanted men... ha! It was great fun and gave us a really good laugh.

The second is very similar to the first, yet very different. As we were still laughing and walking back to our room, there was this cute guy and I made eye contact. He looked me up and down and I did the same. I was wearing my Madonna sweater that says "Sticky Sweet" in pink on the front. We walked past each other and then all of the sudden, he taps me on the shoulder and asks me if I just got out of the Madonna concert (his cuteness went totally up when he did this). We chatted awhile and found out that he was going to the show tomorrow. He was really excited. He then asked us what we were doing and where we were going. I answered that we were going back to the hotel. He was really surprised because we were both really hyper and full of energy. He asked why and I had to tell him that I was only 20. He was sad because he said that we seemed like fun people and that he wanted to party with us. I was so sad! I really wanted to go out clubbing and it would have been so much fun! I'm sad that I am only 20... darn being only a couple of months away from being 21. After that experience, we headed back to the hotel without any other incident and talked about the concert and sang songs for about an hour and then headed to bed.

On Sunday morning, we got up and explored the strip. We did some more shopping and then we piled into the car again for the trip home. He did pretty much the same things on the way home as we did on there way there. It was so much fun and I am so glad that I went! It was a good break from everything and I really enjoyed myself. Now, I can almost die a happy man!

I could die a happy man if I got to touch and/or meet Madonna! Her having my children would also be nice... :)

Oh and here is one of our many adventures in the car...


This was fun too...

Simple Pleasures

I love simple pleasures in life. Tonight, I mostly did homework (not my simple pleasure). While I was doing my homework, I had a craving to make some cookies and play DDR. I did this and the cookies turned out amazing and I got my groove on with DDR. It was a wonderful evening. As you all can tell, I have stayed up way too late playing DDR and making cookies. Now it is time to go to bed and hopefully sleep through the whole night. I love the small and simple things in life that bring happiness and pleasure!

Grandpa

I love my grandparents so much. I can't believe how blessed I am to have such a good family. I came out to my grandpa last summer and it was a good experience for both of us--I had previously come out to my grandma when I first came out to my parents. He told me how much he loved me and that I was still one of his favorite grandchildren if not his favorite. He also said that he wished I did not have to live such a hard life--he worries for me constantly (about my health, my grades, my ambitions, and now my sexuality and place in the world).

Before I get into what I wanted to say about what happened tonight, I want to give a little background about my grandpa. He is not a member of the Church. He never has been and he probably will never be--he's really stubborn and doesn't like to conform. He used to dislike all of his grandchildren or so we thought until about couple of years ago when he first told me that he was proud of me and that he loved me. After that day, he has never been the same. He has turned into the sweetest grandpa anyone could have. My grandpa served in WWII and Vietnam. He has lived through the Great Depression. He also raised a family by running his own garage. He has live a long and hard life and I look up to him a lot.

I decided to pay my grandparents a visit today because I hadn't seen them in about a month and I missed both of their birthdays because of study groups. We started chatting and laughing. They asked me about my health, school, work, and things like that. Then my grandma got a call and it was me and my grandpa sitting there talking. We were talking about politics when out of the blue, my grandpa started to cry. I asked him what the matter was. He told me how much he admired me. This really struck home. I felt amazing after he said that and tears started welling up in my eyes. He told me that I have a good head on my shoulders and it saddens him to see me in so much pain with my health and general frustrations with life. We talked about this for awhile with tears streaming down both of our cheeks. Then he told me that he has always wanted to see me go on a mission and how much he knew it meant to me (he doesn't know the real reason why I didn't go, but it meant a lot to me to see that he cares that I didn't go). He also said that it saddens him to think that I might never find a wife to raise a family with because he was excited for my children and he wanted to see me happy like he and my grandma are. He knows that I am planning to stick with the Church and he's actually glad that I decided this. It just saddens him to think that I might be alone my whole life. After many tears were shed and various discussions about topics of the like, I had to go. I got up and gave him a huge hug. He told me that he loved me so much and that he was really glad that I stopped in. I then grabbed my grandma for a minute and told her that I loved her. She asked why I had been crying and I told her to ask grandpa (I have a feeling I'll get an email about it from her tonight or tomorrow). She then told me that she loves me too and apologized for not being there to talk--I didn't care too much cause I had a good heart to heart with grandpa which doesn't happen all the time.

I'm extremely grateful for my family and I love them so much!

Desperate?

In my quest for guy friends, I am losing. I have tried everything. I have formed study groups. I have invited people over to my house. I have invited guys and girls to go out dancing, ice blocking, disco skating, and many other fun activities. I have called and texted them. All of this is to no avail. They seem like they enjoy my company and enjoy me as a person, but they never return the favor. They never call me. They never text me. They never invite me to parties. Am I just a person that has to put everything on? Am I a person who doesn't get thought about as someone who might like to do something? I want to know what it is about myself that turns guys and I guess people in general away from me because it seems like this happens with most people I try to make friends with--I usually do most of the work in the friendship.

This makes me wonder if I come off desperate for straight guy friends and that is why they don't invite me to things or see if I want to hang out. I think it is partially true that I am desperate. I have been craving to have a close guy friend, who is not gay, since the beginning of October. I want someone that I can go out and have a good time with, do things outdoors, do things that are active, and just chill and talk. I kind of have that with my girl friends, but it's not the same as having that with a good guy friend. Can they tell that I am partially desperate to have a friendship with them? I don't think so. I talk to them in classes. I study with them and I usually ask them if they are doing anything fun on the weekend. If they aren't, I see if they want to do something. I don't think that is desperate. Is it? I don't know. I don't know what else I can do. I wish it was as easy to make guy friends as it is girl friends.

As a side note, I will be posting about my trip to Vegas to see Madonna in a little while. I was planning on doing it today, but I took a nap instead. I am writing this because I can't sleep at the moment and this was on my mind.

Madonna Congratulates Barack Obama

This made me love Madonna even more! :)

Negative

It has been a while since I last posted and updated everyone on my life... sorry about that. I have been tremendously busy with my second round of midterms, tests for my health, and this past weekend going to the Madonna concert in Vegas (I just barely got home)!

For those of you who are wondering if I have cancer or not, I don't. The cysts in my liver aren't cancerous, at this moment. They are going to watch me for six month and do weekly blood test and other tests monthly to make sure they don't develop into cancer. They don't know if they will turn into cancer or not so I'm hoping that they don't. Thank you for keeping me in your prayers and showing me your support. It meant a lot to me.

There are so many other things that I want to talk about, but I don't have the time. I need to finish my homework that is due tomorrow. You should all be expecting an update on my adventures in Vegas and Madonna!