tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51168720985676175102024-03-05T21:52:14.822-05:00The Opened PathMy path is no longer a mystery. It is before me and open. I just need to have the courage to take it...Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.comBlogger267125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-12021024532359838052011-08-11T12:58:00.003-04:002011-08-11T13:31:12.904-04:00Turn It Off!"Turn it off! Like a light switch! Just go click!"
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<br />"Imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes and find the box that is gay and CRUSH IT!!!"
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<br />Both of these are lines that are sang by the gay missionary in the musical, <span style="font-style: italic;">The Book of Mormon</span>. I can definitely say that what he sang rang true for my experience growing up in Utah. There were many times growing up that I thought I could turn off my attractions to men. I tried so hard. I would punish myself for checking out the lifeguard, fantasizing about my crushes, or watching pornography. It was never physical punishment, but rather reading more scriptures and taking my fun time away. I was serious and I wanted to show God that I wanted to turn off my sinful attractions. I'm even sure that I tried to crush the "box" that holds my homosexual desires. Needless to say, I couldn't turn them off or crush bedazzled, glittery, and boa-lined box.
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<br />When the gay missionary was on stage, it reminded me of myself. He was completely dedicated to the Church and he fully believed that things would work out according to God's plan for him. I think that he believed, like many gay missionaries, that if he served God diligently during his mission he would be "cured" from this awful "curse" of homosexuality. There was so much dedication to God and hope for change. Seeing this, made me sad. It made me think about how many other young men are out there struggling and hoping for change to straightness that never comes.
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<br />Overall, I think the writers had a great portrayal of the struggle of being a gay Mormon missionary. I only wish they could have developed his character more, but he was never a main character.
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<br />Getting up on my soap box now...
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<br />If there is anyone out there who has so much hope for change to heterosexuality, I hate to say stop hoping, but it's the truth, stop hoping. It will never occur. What you can do instead is stay true to yourself. I'm not saying to throw away the Church and embrace your gayness or throw away your gayness (pretend to be straight) and embrace the Church. What I'm saying is take time to discover what you truly believe and what want in your life. This may take many years, but when you know what's true and what you want, stick with your beliefs. Also, always remember that it's perfectly normal to be gay and Mormon. Stay true to yourself.
<br />Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-38482610929853284582011-08-05T09:50:00.006-04:002011-08-05T11:01:38.555-04:00Hello!*Ding dong*<br /><br />Hello! My name is Elder Llewellyn, and I'd like to share with you the most amazing book! (From the opening song, but with my name place in it).<br /><br />Back in May, I went to see <span style="font-style: italic;">The Book of Mormon.</span> I'd like to say that I absolutely loved it! I know that a lot of people in the LDS community have said some awful things about it, but I'd like to say that they have inflated their opinions to extreme views. Also, I highly doubt many of the critics have seen the show.<br /><br />There were some aspects that I didn't like of the show. They all were around the vulgarity of some of the characters and songs. I felt that some of the things said or sang could have had the poor language taken out. That being said, I can see why the language was in there. People do a lot of swearing and for some it is just a part of their vocabulary. So it seems to me that the writers were staying true to the "missionary" experience. I've never served a mission, but I'm sure that some people who missionaries try to visit have run into many people with colorful language.<br /><br />Now, here is why I liked it and why I differ from most of the LDS critics. It's true that the writers poked fun at our quirkiness (they also poked fun of a lot of sensitive issues), but we do the same with movies like <span style="font-style: italic;">Singles Ward</span>. The truth is that we make fun of ourselves in the same way as they were poking fun at us. I don't see anything wrong with this because I was taught growing up that we, Mormons, are queer folks that are different from the rest of the world. It's ok that we are different and it's ok to poke fun at our quirkiness. The writers were trying to portray Mormons as a unique group of people and they were able to accomplish this, but it wasn't in a demeaning fashion. I thought that they portrayed the LDS Church in an excellent light.<br /><br />Many people have said that they do a bad portrayal of the Church, but I disagree. The writers showed that missionaries, while they may be innocent, are going out to places like Uganda to try to better the lives of and to give hope to many people. Throughout the musical, it shows the progression of how the missionaries are changing the lives of a town. The people are no longer dismal and angry; they transform into a people full of hope of a better life and they are striving to better their lives. Isn't that what missionary work is all about? I'd say that these missionaries did a wonderful job doing it.<br /><br />Other critics have said that missionaries aren't as innocent as was portrayed in the musical. I'd like to say that they are. I'm sure when missionaries are going through the MTC that there is some education of the area, culture, and "trials" that people face, but learning about them is completely different than actually experiencing them, especially when you come from the homogeneous state known as Utah or Idaho and the surrounding states. When the missionaries arrived in Uganda, they were completely horrified at the situation--they couldn't believe what was going on. The missionaries that were already there had lost hope in spreading the Gospel and were waiting until their two years were over. Soon the newbies had experiences that caused them to question what they were doing there. Each situation caused one to lose more and more faith because he didn't realize that the world was unfair. He seemed to imagine the whole world to be like the US, specifically Orlando. It took him a long time to realize that the world is not all butterflies, unicorns, and rainbows. Eventually, his mission companion helped him realize that the world is not always fair and that they can actually change the lives of a whole town for the better.<br /><br />Finally, a lot of people have said that they don't show the correct doctrine. While this is partially true, most of what they say is true. The writers had to change a few doctrines so that people of other beliefs could relate and understand; however, these changes were not so far away from the actual doctrine. Imagine trying to teach someone who has no knowledge about the Church everything in a couple hours. Can you do that? Of course you can't. That is why they changed a few things to make it more "mainstream" Christianity.<br /><br />Overall, I absolutely loved the play and I have bought the soundtrack. It always makes me smile. Also, I think that this musical and the current Mormon.org (I think) ads in NYC is giving the Church a lot of publicity, which could in turn cause more people to be interested in learning more about the Church.<br /><br />PS There will be more to come on my thoughts about the gay missionary in the musical.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-17254696752447506642011-07-08T16:14:00.005-04:002011-07-08T16:21:53.763-04:00Move-EdSorry that I haven't written for a very long time. A lot has been going on and I haven't had the desire to write much. Nevertheless, here is a quick update with a chance of a longer one later. I'm not keeping any promises...<br /><br />I have moved on to a whole new part of my life. I was admitted in Mount Sinai School of Medicine's MD/PhD program! I moved up to New York last Friday and I have almost completed my first official week of school. I'll be in the city at least for the next 8 years. So far, I'm loving it here and I'm loving school. Everything that is currently happening to me is exactly what I want and need. Life is good right now.<br /><br />Here are some keywords to describe my adventures in New York: apoptosis, programmed necrosis, Central Park, site-seeing, TNF, U-Haul, NYPD, food, DNA fragmentation, parents, and fireflies.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-29478907214448844042011-06-22T22:24:00.002-04:002011-06-22T22:26:07.883-04:00Ex-Gay ArticleI came across <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/19/magazine/my-ex-gay-friend.html">this interesting article</a> recently. Take a look at it if you're interested in the topic of ex-gay men.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-5751199208764079722011-06-09T18:16:00.004-04:002011-06-09T18:27:19.376-04:00Interesting Walk HomeToday, I had an interesting walk home. I was strolling along and minding my own business when a black truck with its window down passed me. The person inside yelled out, "Why are you walking faggot?" He continued driving. I had no idea why he called me a faggot. I don't think I look "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">faggy</span>" today. I was wearing a white and gray, horizontal striped shirt, a pair of light washed straight leg jeans, my green and grey backpack, and a pair of tennis shoes. Does this scream faggot? I didn't think so. I kept on walking and ignored his comments. As I continued on my way, he circled around and pulled up again. He said the same <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">loverly</span> phrase again and I kept ignoring him. Then out of the blue he decides it would be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">ok</span> to throw a beer can at me. Luckily he sucked at throwing and completely missed me. This man was such a true gem of society. I wish everybody could grow up to be like him and throw beer cans at people instead of being nice.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-8359910260402342612011-04-17T07:35:00.000-04:002011-04-17T07:35:47.471-04:00You DON'T NEED A Boyfriend To Feel Good!<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qMFpZRDYha4?fs=1" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" width="425"></iframe><br /><br />Absolutely loved this video! I was laughing the whole time.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-34265344291215645302011-02-14T22:32:00.003-05:002011-02-14T22:38:58.991-05:00Unconditional Love From My Mom<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.usedbooks.co.nz/images/Book/0312549660.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 300px;" src="http://www.usedbooks.co.nz/images/Book/0312549660.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />My mom sent me the book, "Wherever You Are My Love Will Find You," in the mail today. I cried the whole time I read it. This is the first time that I felt my mother's deep love for me in a long time. I called her to thank her for the wonderful book. Also, I wanted to tell her everything that I have been keeping from her. Sadly, she didn't have much time to talk since she was going out on a date with my father for a Valentine's Day. The message in this was definitely something I needed to hear from her. I think I'm going to start being more open with her now.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-79082831699060815292011-01-22T14:01:00.003-05:002011-01-22T14:09:53.950-05:00ChangesMy life has continually changed since I have started this blog. Along with my life changes has come changes in this blog. My life is no longer what it used to be and neither is this blog. I no longer feel the need to write my story on it's pages. I'm not sure what to do with it anymore. We'll see if this blog will develop into something new or shrivel and fall by the wayside.<br /><br />I still write occasionally on my other blogs. The links are given below.<br /><br /><a href="http://seanrogersllewellyn.blogspot.com">Journal-like blog</a> for friends and family (not gay friendly). Feel free to read and comment if you would like to, but please use discretion with your comments.<br /><br /><a href="http://sean-mysearchformeaning.blogspot.com/">Personal, more introspective blog</a> about searching for meaning in my life.<br /><br />PS I'm still contemplating what to do with this blog. So if any of you have ideas, feel free to let me know.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-86170786262042384752011-01-14T23:23:00.004-05:002011-01-14T23:25:48.797-05:00I Just Want...Dear God,<br /><br />The only thing that I want in the world right now is to be accepted at NYU.<br /><br />Love,<br />SeanSeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-57252231079295470032011-01-09T12:47:00.004-05:002011-01-09T16:10:25.634-05:00The Italian StallionI am so mad right now! This weekend was my birthday and everything was a hot mess until The Italian Stallion decided to be an utter douche bag. I need to give some background of The Italian Stallion so you all can understand why he's a douche bag and no longer my friend.<br /><br />The Italian Stallion (further called <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">TIS</span> from here on out) is a colleague at work. He was one of my first straight friends in Frederick. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">TIS</span> was very nice and welcoming. He starting inviting me to bars with him and other colleagues, and we quickly became close. Eventually, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">TIS</span> started talking about sex with women, picking up on chicks, etc. I always came up with an excuse or just changed the topic. I asked another colleague who already knew that I am gay about coming out to her and the rest of her lab. She said that should be perfectly fine. I did that and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">TIS</span> seemed to be <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">ok</span> with everything. Quickly, our friendship changed. He was no longer inviting me to events and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">texting</span> me. Then he started avoid conversations with me. It became interesting, but I decided not to care because I have made other friends. Jump forward to this weekend.<br /><br />I invited his lab to go out with me to celebrate my birthday. A couple of them wanted to go to a gay bar and club to experience it. He told me that he was going to Delaware this weekend and couldn't make it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed he was actually going to go to Delaware. Well, last night I come to find out that he did not go to Delaware and stayed home this whole weekend. Again, I decided not to care because I don't consider him a close friend anymore. Then he started <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">texting</span> one of the male colleagues during the evening. He was asking about the gay people hitting on my colleague, how weird it was, etc. That started to bother me. I didn't let it get to me and ruin my night though. Then this morning he <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">texted</span> a couple of my male colleagues asking them if they were ass raped last night and received HIV from it, because all gay men have HIV. That seriously irritated me. What kind of naive, conservative douche bag is he? It makes me wonder what he thinks of me. I'm guessing he thinks I'm a whore who has HIV and who is spreading it around to all of the heterosexuals. UGH! I want him to say something to my face so that I could confront him. I have A LOT I want to say to him.<br /><br />As I have been talking to my colleagues, we have all decided that <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">TIS</span> is a closet gay. He is very homophobic, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">hypermasculine</span>, insecure, touchy-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">feely</span> (he touches everyone but me whenever they walk by him), never has had a girlfriend, and other markers. Also, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">TIS</span> will not make eye contact with me for fear of catching the gay, but I catch him staring at me all the time when I'm not looking at him.<br /><br />My question is what do I do? Should I just confront him about everything that is bothering me or should I just let it go? I'm not one to take crap from people, but I don't want to mess up work dynamics and have people start hating him and me. Also, if he is truly gay, I don't want to force him out of the closet when I feel like he is so very deep in it. Sigh... I wish there was an easy way out of this one.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-78626213973088779812011-01-09T12:47:00.000-05:002011-01-09T12:47:31.528-05:00HOMO•SEXUAL<iframe src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/qqV5ghtYdxo?fs=1" frameborder="0" height="344" width="425"></iframe><br /><br />This is a very interesting video about the history and misconceptions of homosexuality by the general population.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-88471412898580556692010-12-18T18:29:00.002-05:002010-12-18T19:08:35.723-05:00My VoiceBeck, here is my voice again. I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, but here I go...<br /><br />I know that some of you probably have been wondering what I've been up to and where I've been. Well, nothing too exiting has happen in my life. It's been very boring actually. <span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-style: italic;"></span></span></span> I have had three MD/PhD interviews, and I feel like I belong in these programs or at least an MD/PhD program.<br /><br />My first interview was at Boston University in October. BU was a great place. I really liked and felt like I fit in. My interviews went very well and the old Dean of Admissions told me that I would be "a good fit" at BU. I lOVE Boston and definitely could live there, so I wouldn't mind living there for 8 some odd years. The only problem with BU is that I don't receive my stipend all my years of school. The is a down side and I don't want to go into debt, especially when I will be starting my career around age 35.<br /><br />My second interview was at Tufts University in November. It appears that the Boston schools like me and think I'll fit into their program. Tufts was also a great school. I fell in love with one researcher and his research. He is an up and coming researcher who is proving wrong many of the believed concepts of T cell activation. He would help my career go far. Also, Tufts is very keen on mentoring. They constantly have people checking up on the MD/Phds and helping them through the long process. Another benefit is that I am funded all of my years of school and I receive a stipend. One problem is the push to finish the program in 7 years. I wonder if moving through the program faster could be a disservice to students.<br /><br />My last interview was last weekend at NYU. I absolutely loved NYU! The school is amazing, the people are amazing, the research is amazing, the immunology department is amazing, the facilities are amazing, and NYC is always amazing. Right now, I would consider NYU my topic choice. I was very impressed with their dedication to infectious disease immunology. They are currently expanding the immunology department, which means a lot of new, up and coming researchers will be at NYU. Also, I felt a strong sense of belonging at NYU. I was well received by all my interviewers and I made friends quickly with students. I also made a really good friend at NYU who was also an interviewee.<br /><br />The first round of acceptances for all of these schools is in January. I hope I hear good news from all of them. I am still waiting to hear back from 8 schools. That means that I have had 3 interviews and 9 rejections. I'm pretty sure that at least half of the schools left will send me a rejection.<br /><br />Ummm, that's my schooling life. I'm not sure what else to write about. I am very happy with where I am and I love what I'm doing. I have found peace and harmony in my life. I love the east coast and I love DC. I can't see myself moving back to the west coast anytime soon. I still consider myself churchless. I haven't gone back to church in a very long time. I have no desire to. I have allowed my home teachers to come and talk to me and the missionaries have started knocking on my door (I have yet to answer the door because they always come at the worst times). My home teachers seem only to be there to get their quota in because they don't put much thought into their lessons and make them specific to me. Also, they are trying to get me to come back to church. They have never asked why I no longer attend and they never ask if they could do anything for me. So yeah...<br /><br />Political issues... Politics are politics and I don't care to talk about them. Also, I don't care to get involved either.<br /><br />Yeah, I guess that is my voice right now. There isn't much to it probably because everything is going very smoothly for me. Things are working out and I feel really good about my life. The decisions I am making are what's best for me and I'm continuing on the path I've set up for myself.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-69421868133825501912010-12-18T10:02:00.003-05:002010-12-18T10:06:40.837-05:00DisciplesMy friend <a href="http://jsethanderson.com/">Seth</a> is in a documentary entitled, "Disciples." It's about three openly-gay ex-Mormons in Arizona. Here is a <a href="http://vimeo.com/17826662">link</a> to the documentary for any who are interested.<br /><br />PS I'm not dead... :DSeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-20339233795541705782010-10-14T20:54:00.000-04:002010-10-14T20:54:32.677-04:00Joel Burns, "It Gets Better"<object style="background-image: url("http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/ax96cghOnY4/hqdefault.jpg");" height="295" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ax96cghOnY4?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ax96cghOnY4?fs=1&hl=en_US" allowscriptaccess="never" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="295" width="480"></embed></object><br /><br />This is the best "It Gets Better" movie I have seen so far. I absolutely love every aspect of this. It is raw and full of emotion. What I love even more is that it happens during a city council meeting.<br /><br />Thanks Kenz for sharing this with me!Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-73090917288120454092010-09-22T17:04:00.002-04:002010-09-22T17:31:37.834-04:00Life As It IsMy life is as it is. It is interesting to see it fall into similar patterns of life no matter where I am. I have now lived in Maryland for nearly three months. I can't believe it. It sometimes frightens me how fast it has gone, but that's not the point of this post. My life has fallen into the same pattern as it has everywhere I've lived. For example, I have never had many friends. I have many "acquaintances" who are my friends at work, school, etc., but not people who I hang out with or party on weekends with. When it comes to actual friends, I have few and far between. In the three months that I have been here, I have four friends. I would only consider one of them pretty close and I only met him a little while ago. Two of my friends are old friends from <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">BYU</span> and we do things every now and then, one is my second cousin (we have a lot in common and it's fun to be around him), and the last is someone I met through my second cousin. They all live in DC, so my weekdays are pretty lonely in good ole <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Fredneck</span>, but I have fun on the weekends with my friends or by myself. I go to parties, clubs, bars, church, and hang outs to meet people to become my friends, but they never become my friends. They are place in the "acquaintances" category. This frustrates me.<br /><br />I want and need more friends, but it seems like I cannot make any. I want someone to call me to do something. I want someone to show up at my apartment randomly. I want to stop organizing get <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">togethers</span>. I don't know if this will ever happen though. I recently stopped going to church because nobody in my ward talks to me. I have only had four people talk to me at church and none of them remember me the next week. The bishop and second counselor haven't even remembered me. It's kind of frustrating because I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in church with the people of <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Fredneck</span>. I've tried striking up conversations with a few people, but it's awkward to say, "Hi, I'm new to the ward. My name is Sean." You think that they would already notice you are new talk to you. It seems like the people in my ward are more concerned about the visitors. Why? I don't know. What I do know is that the people in my ward talk to the visitors more than they talk to me. It's disheartening.<br /><br />Another example happened last night. I went to a gay Mormon party to watch the season premiere of <span style="font-style: italic;">Glee </span>(PS I thought it was a little lack luster)<span style="font-style: italic;">.</span> There were a lot of people there and they basically all knew each other fairly well. They asked me a little about myself and what I was doing. After I told them, it seemed to stop. Nobody really talked to me anymore. I felt like I was the odd man out. That I was different from the rest. That they didn't want me there. Don't get me wrong. They were all very welcoming, but I personally didn't feel welcome. Maybe it will come with time. I don't think I'll go again though. I need to find a place to meet young professionals, like myself. That way I will have things in common with them, and hopefully I can make friends because acquaintances only go so far.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-80922464118933512962010-09-13T20:00:00.000-04:002010-09-13T20:00:01.191-04:00Gay Rights Movement? What Gay Rights Movement?If there is a gay movement going across the nation right now, will someone please educate me? I don't see a movement pushing forward and changing the nation and society's beliefs.<br /><br />This is my opinion of the whole "Gay Rights Movement." There isn't one. I know that people will say, "What about <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">HRC</span> or No Hate?" I say those aren't movements at all. They are very localized with no thrust behind them. In my opinion, these groups are not large or unified enough AND their supporters are a bunch of floozies that do not participate in their planned activities. In order for a gay civil rights movement to occur, the leaders of the groups must unite and learn from the examples of the original Civil Rights Movement and Feminist Movement. The leaders and members of these movement knew how to change the nation and the world. We must draw upon their examples (I'm not going to go in-depth on what they did, but I'll talk about the generalized basics).<br /><br />In my Sociology of Gender course<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1"></span>, I learned that in order to have a successful social movement the following three aspects are needed: leaders must draw upon frustration and discontent, the leaders must build upon existing social networks and organizations with social power, and favorable political opportunities. Then in order to form a social movement the following three conditions must be present: a precipitating event that creates a new consciousness among a group of people, that core of people organize and attempt to mobilize others, and that the people in the group have the same consciousness and desires. If we look at this criteria, we have already started a social movement. A lot of the movement started with Harvey Milk. First, he created a new consciousness among many LGBT people by showing them that they are equal members of society. Second, he ran for office, brought others together, and mobilized them. Finally, the people under his leadership had the same goals, equality. He started the movement, but with his death, it disappeared quickly.<br /><br />Where does that put us now? We have part of what we need to start a movement, the collective consciousness. After Milk's death, the collective consciousness that he started has stuck around throughout the decades; however, the organization and the mobilization of others is severely lacking. This stems from the various organizations trying to get the movement going. Are the leaders drawing upon frustrations? Yes, but they are not using the frustrations of the people to progress the movement. I think they are using it as a publicity stunt to become social lights and nothing more. Are the leaders building upon existing social networks? Yes, but these networks have no power. These leaders have no social capital or power. Is the political environment favorable? Yes and no, because there are still some problems all over the nation with politics.<br /><br />What are the problems with the movement? The gay rights organizations are not using their social power (well, the little power they have) effectively. Also, they are not mobilizing the people and the people will not mobilize themselves. After Prop. 8 was overturned, the west went crazy, but the east didn't even care or hear about it. There was relatively nothing in the news back here. I'll attribute that to the lack of power or the lack of using power from the gay rights organizations. In addition, I heard of no protests or strikes that went on the east coast after the overturning of it. Again, that is the fault of gay rights organizations.<br /><br />Would you agree with me that the movement is not unified and mobilizing? Answer the four following questions and see if you agree with me.<br /><br />Do you know where your local gay rights movement organization headquarters is?<br /><br />How many of you would be willing to get up away from the computer and the comforts of your home to go on strike at your state capital or nation capital for weeks, months or years?<br /><br />How many of you participate in publicized boycotts?<br /><br />How many of you are willing to be completely open honest about your orientation (i.e. holding hands in public, kissing in public, having people at work know about your orientation, not acting differently around people who don't know about your sexuality, etc.)?<br /><br />These are four simple questions I would like you to consider. I bet very few of you would do one or two of these, let alone any. I will admit that I would not participate in strikes and boycotts. That is me and my personality, but I know where my local office is and am open and honest about my orientation. I do not hide anything. If people ask me if I am gay, I will tell them. I act the same no matter where I am at in society. I am always myself.<br /><br />Some of you are probably wondering why I am writing a semi-political blog then if I'm not willing to get involved in politics. The reason is because I am sick and tired of hearing people proclaiming equality and freedom when something like Prop. 8 was overturned. That does not make you equal. You must change society's perception in order to become equal, otherwise we'll be like the African-Americans after the Civil War and until after the Civil Rights Movement. Also, I do not participate in politics because I have yet to see a good organization develop with the necessary tools to cause social change. When one eventually rises from the dust, I may get involved (and maybe you feel like me so the movement will never go anywhere, but I am fine with my situation and my life the way it is).<br /><br />Anyways, these are my musings. Take them for what they are worth to you or demolish me and my thought processes. I don't care, but this is the way I see the Gay Rights Movement, and I see it going nowhere.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-65034849503379361372010-09-01T13:59:00.000-04:002010-09-01T13:59:59.293-04:00Madonna - Little Star<object style="background-image: url("http://i2.ytimg.com/vi/5ppsiKl6udI/hqdefault.jpg");" height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/5ppsiKl6udI?fs=1&hl=en_US"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/5ppsiKl6udI?fs=1&hl=en_US" allowscriptaccess="never" allowfullscreen="true" wmode="transparent" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br />-"Little Star" by Madonna<br /><br />This song always makes me happy and soothes my soul. :)Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-22062684961107490622010-08-25T22:19:00.003-04:002010-08-25T22:38:23.347-04:00Boyhood DreamsI've been running away from life for about the past two hours. I finally came in because I was tired. I have never ran through Frederick at night. It is strangely beautiful and takes me back to simpler times. Simpler times where Frederick was the major cross road of a large highway in the 1700s and 1800s. I ran down the brick side walks, through Market and Church Street, and into Baker Park. It cleared my mind of the agony of the day, but now it is back. I don't know if I can rid myself of the agony I'm going through at the moment. It makes me wish for simpler times where my boyhood dreams would come true. Sigh...<br /><br />I'm sure you are all wondering what I was running away from. I guess I should tell you. I was denied from 3 <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">MSTPs</span> (MD/PhD programs) today, which is over 10% of the schools I applied to. I feel like a ball of crap and that my dreams were fleeting... Was I ever good enough? Will I ever be good enough? What did I do wrong? Did I do anything right? What should I do? Are my dreams from my childhood and never meant to come true? I don't know, but I would like some answers to these questions I might not ever receive answers to.<br /><br />I feel like I'm supposed to be a medical scientist. That why I moved to Maryland to perform more research and to further my career as a medical scientist. Is it in vain? People tell me I am supposed to be a medical scientist. Why can't the admissions committee see that? All I want to do is work at an academic medical center--teaching graduate and medical students, and performing research on the frontier of medicine. That's all I want to do. This is my dream, but maybe it's just that, a dream...<br /><br />People will tell me that I still have 17 schools that could possibly want me... I realize that, but having 3 schools deny me in one day hurts; its some of the worst pain I've been in. I've broken down and cried multiple times. I cried as I opened every letter. I cried as I was running. I've cried since I've been home. I feel like my world is shattering all around me. That the pieces of glass are embedded in my body and causing me all of this pain. I need an escape, but no escape until I know that at least one school wants me.<br /><br />Could these be fleeting boyhood dreams? Possibly...Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-70056851937811790002010-08-16T21:08:00.001-04:002010-08-16T21:08:47.834-04:00Happy Madonna Day!Today is Madonna's birthday! It is a celebration that should happen around the world. Her music has taught me to be strong, passionate, playful, driven, myself, non-judgmental, proud of myself, not to be afraid of others judgments, and many other great and amazing things. Here's to the Queen of Pop! And no, I'm not referring to Lady Gaga. I'm referring to the one who did it all before her and who still reigns supreme!<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size:180%;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlmW6VKqErAa8uciMMZmabq-cAaaUimf-Z9JJ6pPDYClB0E83goUNy9jSsVXP1MHQpoQysU39oIdsRFNX8oQKFdajQG19VJYfvJmXZceu0mzzYAIyIxNmi1ZHB06oLOosMxg-z2cAA26s/s1600/Madge.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhlmW6VKqErAa8uciMMZmabq-cAaaUimf-Z9JJ6pPDYClB0E83goUNy9jSsVXP1MHQpoQysU39oIdsRFNX8oQKFdajQG19VJYfvJmXZceu0mzzYAIyIxNmi1ZHB06oLOosMxg-z2cAA26s/s400/Madge.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5506178391923518946" border="0" /></a></span><span style="font-size:180%;">Happy birthday Madonna!</span><br /></div>Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-83237763618602649382010-08-15T18:31:00.005-04:002010-08-15T20:00:46.758-04:00Proposition 8Before I say anything serious about the subject, I wanted to say that it is hilarious how when the ruling was made that everybody in the west was freaking out, but nobody in the east cared. It seems like more than land distances the east from the west... Anyways, now back to what I wanted to say.<br /><br />I don't believe I have ever said this on my blog before, but I supported the No on Prop. 8 campaign. The reasons for this are many, but I will name a few and possibly elaborate on them. First, I believe that God brought us here to make choices and determine what is the path of life we want to take. Isn't that what Jesus fought for in the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">pre</span>-existence? Satan supported control and making everybody follow God's will to get back to heaven or Satan supported letting man do whatever he wanted with no consequences, thus gaining salvation no matter what (whichever you believe... I've heard both and I am more partial to the second). However, Christ fought for the ability to choose, and that is what God wanted. He gives us commandments to follow through prophets and personal revelation, BUT it is our choice whether we follow these or disregard them. That being said, it means that everybody should have the choice to do what they please and not have anyone else impose their beliefs on them. I'll give one caveat, I believe this in full unless it harms another person e.g. murder, stealing, rape, etc. I do not see same-sex marriages falling into this category. How are they harming other people? I see no harmful causes and if someone does have a harmful cause, please enlighten me and prove it with scientific evidence.<br /><br />Second our country was built upon freedom, specifically many of the people who came to America were looking for religious freedom AKA freedom of beliefs. People wanted to believe what they wanted without persecution. That is the main reason they left Europe. Our Founding Fathers then said that all men (and women) are created equal and have certain unalienable rights, those of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If people are not allowed to enter into same-sex marriages (I consider marriage to be part of the unalienable right of the pursuit of happiness), they are not equal. However, our Founding Fathers stated that all men (and women) are CREATED EQUAL and have rights. This would make LGBT community second class citizens. Does this sound familiar? African-Americans were considered second class citizens for thousands of years. They did not obtain their full rights until 1968. Even though we have come a long way, some people still consider African Americans as second class citizens (then LGBT folks are lower to some... I guess that makes us third class citizens or pond scum). If we are all created equal, have certain unalienable rights, and are free, shouldn't we all have the EXACT same rights? I believe so.<br /><br />Third, different morals does not mean the whole world is going to fall apart and end. People have had varying morals since the beginning of time. This goes back to the choice argument. We have the right to choose what to do and what is best for us. Just because you have different morals than someone else does not make you inherently better than them. They might be one of the most anthropic person in the world, but they might smoke and drink. Does that make you better than them? No. Also, the whole moral argument does not sit well with me. Why isn't there a bigger push to outlaw smoking, drinking alcohol and tea, having sex outside of marriage, having children out of wedlock, eating too much, etc.? All of those are considered morally wrong, but the prophet and the Church are not spending a lot of money fighting all of those evils. It doesn't entirely make sense to me. Where is the logical behind creating a law against one moral, but not another?<br /><br />Finally, my opinion is completely summed up in this simple sentence written by a close friend. "It is ridiculous for someone to think their personal view of morality trumps someone <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">else's</span> freedom of choice and equality."<br /><br />I have more I want to write, but I need to do other things. This is to be continued...Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-77586346464257057222010-08-07T21:04:00.003-04:002010-08-07T21:08:30.604-04:00Prop. 8 In BriefI have some thoughts about the latest Prop. 8 news. I don't have the time to blog about it at the moment, but I will say that this hay-day, or gay-day if you will, probably won't last. You may see me as pessimistic, but I'm just being honest. If all of you think you are equal now just because of California, the truth is that we are not. That is all until I actually write the blog.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-70364598320878864292010-07-03T10:24:00.002-04:002010-07-03T10:26:45.039-04:00Recipes?Anyone have some fast recipes for dinner that they care to share with me? I realize that when I moved out here that I mainly know how to cook things that take too long to cook AKA over 30 minutes. If anyone cares to share their fast recipes, I'd greatly appreciate it!<br /><br />PS I'll get to some hardcore blogging when I have more time. I'm still trying to get settled down here.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-24543691825063838682010-06-16T00:55:00.002-04:002010-06-16T00:58:52.014-04:00Stubbornness pt. 1I am one of the most stubborn people you will meet. I am the most stubborn person in my family. I want to hear your thoughts on stubbornness. Is it good? Is it bad? Is it both? When is it good? When is it bad? Can stubbornness be changed?<br /><br />I'd appreciate any thoughts you all have. After I read through yours, I'll post mine.<br /><br />Thanks,<br />SeanSeanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-39146434100916624132010-06-15T01:57:00.002-04:002010-06-15T02:05:18.519-04:00This is What I Hope For...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://missbootyglam.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/0000048515_200805071752482.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 281px; height: 373px;" src="http://missbootyglam.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/0000048515_200805071752482.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>This is Dan Humphrey from Gossip Girl. I hope to find a friend like him while I'm working at the NIH.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116872098567617510.post-76519862135240101602010-06-14T19:16:00.002-04:002010-06-14T19:24:32.296-04:00Research Experience StatementThis is the research that I have been doing for the past 2 years. Read it if you are interested or just skip it.<br /><br />For nearly two years, I worked in Dr. Gregory Burton’s laboratory at Brigham Young University. His studies focus on understanding the molecular interactions between follicular dendritic cells (FDCs) and HIV. Specifically, we examined the contributions of two FDC receptors, CD32 (FcγR) and CD21 (CR2), that played significant roles in the trapping and long-term maintenance of HIV.<br /><br />My first project was molecular cloning of HIV. We received samples of lymph nodes from HIV infected patients. I isolated the HIV virons and the RNA, and performed reverse transcription. After making cDNA, I PCR amplified the products, inserted the amplimers into vectors, and inserted them into bacteria. I then sequenced the inserts in the vectors and performed phylogenetic analysis of the HIV genome. This work showed that the HIV genome from one lymph node is not the same as another, and that the genome in the same lymph node is very similar. These findings were consistent with past research. This project was used to train me in basic laboratory techniques, and double-check the findings for a paper that is still in the process of being published.<br /><br />My second project examined different pathways of FDC activation, and if FDCs up-regulate or down-regulate CD32 and CD21 through the different pathways. I isolated FDCs from human tonsillar tissue through positive selection using a FACS machine. To activate the cells, I incubated the FDCs with lipopolysaccharide (LPS), antibodies, complement, immune complexes, immune complexes+complement, neutralizing HIV antibody immune complexes, or neutralizing HIV antibody immune complexes+complement. After the incubation, I extracted the RNA from FDCs, performed reverse transcription, and then analyzed the cDNA with real time PCR. I found that each of these known immune system activators up-regulated CD32 and CD21 at differing degrees. During this project, I also incubated FDCs with alpha-1 antitrypsin. We found that alpha-1 antitrypsin deactivates FDCs, but we did not know why it deactivated these cells. These findings focused our group’s research on determining the intracellular pathways of activation through CD32 and CD21.<br /><br />My third project focused on discovering the proteins associated with CD21 on FDCs. I hypothesized that CD21 on FDCs is associated with similar proteins as CD21 on B cells, meaning that the B cell co-receptor (CD21/CD19/CD81) is on FDCs. The B cell co-receptor could then activate FDCs in the same or a similar intracellular signaling pathway as B cells. The experimental protocol that I designed was to use fluorescently labeled antibodies to CD21, CD19, and CD81, and then use FRET analysis to determine if the proteins are associated with one another. If they were associated with one another, we would then perform protein cross-linkings and immunoprecipitations to determine the intracellular pathway of activation, and establish if it was the same or similar to the B cell co-receptor activation pathway. I grew hybridomas for CD21, CD19, and CD81, isolated the antibodies, and fluorescently labeled them. Then I isolated B cells from peripheral blood mononuclear cells (PBMCs) through positive selection using a MACS machine, and I isolated FDCs with the same methods as my second project. After separation of the cells, I incubated them with the fluorescently labeled antibodies, used a confocal microscope to perform FRET, and analyzed the results. When I left the laboratory, I had performed some preliminary trials without the α-CD81 antibody, because we were waiting for the α-CD81 antibody to be produced by another principle investigator. Despite missing the α-CD81 antibody, the preliminary results were promising.<br /><br />My fourth project studied the role of FDCs in activating CD4+ T cells with a latent HIV infection. Studies have shown that FDCs and FDC supernatant can activate latent T cells, but the mechanism is not known. In efforts to determine the mechanism, I isolated CD4+ T cells from PBMCs through positive selection using a MACS machine. After activating the growth signal with IL-2 in the isolated cells, I would infect the cells with an HIV variant. The HIV variant has a faulty envelope gene that can be used to infect the cell, but its progeny can never bud off the cell. If the infection were not latent, the cell would die from viral overload. However, if the infection were latent, the CD4+ T cells would survive. After the latent infection was established, I induced viral protein formation with differing amounts of PHA+Ionomycin or IL-2+IL-7, measured p24 levels within the cells with α-p24 antibodies, and created dose curves comparing activator versus viral expression. These dose curves were then compared to induction of viral protein formation when the latent T cells were incubated with FDCs and FDC supernatant. When I left the lab, we were continuing to induce latent T cells with FDCs and PHA+Ionomycin or IL-2+IL-7, and we were performing mass spectrometry on the FDC supernatant to determine the protein that is causing latent T cells to form HIV particles.<br /><br />Currently, I am working in Dr. Jeffery Gildersleeve’s laboratory at the National Institutes of Health, specifically in the National Cancer Institute for a year long post-baccalaureate. His research focuses on developing carbohydrate microarrays to assist in analyzing cellular markers, tumors, and vaccine efficacy. I am working on developing a microarray to test epitopes and specificity of antibodies formed by the HIV/AIDS vaccine. Developing this microarray would give researchers a rapid determination of the efficacy of the HIV/AIDS vaccine in the different stage trials of FDA approval.Seanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16629678782997797603noreply@blogger.com3