PS I love Madonna's new CD!
My plans are to stay at BYU and go to medical school. Other than that, I am not sure. I guess that I need to start thinking about marriage, which medical school to go to, where to internship, where to do research, and when to take the MCAT. These are all things that are going to be within the next couple of years, instead of five years. Wow! My life is changing quickly.
I see and feel the need to move on and my bishop wants me to move on. What does moving on entailing for me? Is it to stop this blog? Is it to stop associating myself with all MoHos? Is it to keep my MoHo friends and stop making new ones? Is it to stop reading blogs and commenting? Is it to find the woman from my dreams? What do I need to do?
I am not sure yet, but my answers will soon come or come when the Lord sees fit to tell me. I trust that the Lord will guide and direct me. I also trust the Lord has a certain path for me and that is why I am not going on a mission.
My path is still open to me and this might be the end of this part of my path.
This brings me to self-deprivation vs. self-regulation. This has become a popular topic and I just wanted to put my two cents in. I personally believe that all of us never have to deprive ourselves of anything, but rather we must regulate what we do. This includes our "gayness." I believe that we never have to deprive ourselves of those feelings. I know that some will say that I am depriving myself because I am not fully being "gay," but I beg to differ. Being "gay" does not mean that I have to have a sexual relationship with a man. It means that I am attracted to men. That is it. If I chose to marry a woman, it does not mean I am depriving myself of my attractions. They are definitely still there. I know that people will argue with me and say that I cannot fully express my potential to love and feel the full potential of love if I marry. Again, I beg to differ. Staying true to someone is real love and never wanting to do anything to hurt that person is real love. This real love can and will be expressed at its full potential, even if the attraction is not there. I can love my wife the same way that I can love a man. It will take more work, but in my opinion, it is worth the work because of the lessons you will learn. I also believe that I will be truly happy. I will not be depriving myself of anything because I made the choice and plan to move on ahead--no matter what comes my way.
I believe that self-regulation is the key to life. We must not be focused too much on one aspect of our lives or else the rest of our lives will be out of balance. Say if I focus too much on my "gay" side, it will consume me and take over which can cause me to feel alienated, lonely, and many other side-effects. Another example is if I let school take over my life, it can hurt friends, social skills, and understanding of others. By self-regulating, we allow for a good mixture of aspects of life to enter our lives causing us to be more well-rounded. Christ is a very well-rounded person and because of that He became perfect in all things. He did not focus on only one aspect of His life. He focused on a relationship with his parents, relationships with friends, learning the gospel, reading the scriptures, etc. We need to be like Christ and renaissance men (people in the Renaissance who were considered skilled and intelligent in many areas) in the modern world. There needs to be a balance or regulation in everything--yin and yang.
-4 Minutes, Madonna with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland
So after a little searching, I found the actual version that someone posted right after the release today. OMG! It is so hot and I am not just talking about Madonna and Justin! The way they move is definitely to die for and the video has an artistic edge to it! I am a definitely fan! :)
-4 Minutes, Madonna with Justin Timberlake and Timbaland
I absolutely love with new single! This is definitely going to be such a hot music video! I am so excited for it to premiere!
The rest of that ride is scattered bits and pieces of memory that come and go, most of it sounds and smells: MiGs roaring past overhead; staccatos of gunfire; a donkey braying nearby; the jingling of bells and mewling of sheep; gravel crushed under the truck's tires; a baby wailing in the dark; the stench of gasoline, vomit, and shit.Here are the five people whom I must I tag: October Rising, Michael, Calvin, Kengo Biddles, and A Crow's View.
-The Kite Runner, Khaled Hosseini
On the phone was the BYU Catering Service. I thought that it was really weird for them to be calling me. I told them that I did not order anything. They told me that I had a care package that someone made for me. I started thinking, "Yeah right, April Fool's. Nobody ever does something like this for me or would even think to unless it is a prank." The reason I thought this was because Delilah works in a kitchen at BYU and I thought she set it up. They told me that I needed to pick it up before they closed at 6:30 pm. I could handle that. It was 9 am.
I went in about 3 pm and kept thinking to myself that it was an April Fools joke. I sat down and waited for the receptionist to get off the phone. She asked me if I had a pick up. I told her yes and then she brought out a lovely surprise for me. It was a goodie bag of treats, a drink, and bubbles (personally, I love bubbles and being able to play with those when I went outside made me really happy). It had a giant smiley face balloon and a note that said, "You are the greatest!" It was really sweet of whoever did this for me. I do not know who did it but if you read my blog, thanks! I really appreciate your random act of kindness because I have not been feeling too well lately and it really brightened my day. It is times like these that I am truly grateful for the friends that I have and the love they share with me.
PS I do have some suspicions of who sent me this but I am not going to call anyone out.
PPS Happy Birthday Caitlin!