I Am Thankful

22 February 2008
God has been gracious to me and has blessed me in so many ways. I have so much to be grateful for so I want to write a list of things that I am thankful for. I know that this is a traditional Thanksgiving post (that I have never done), but I think that it is time that I do one. Happy Thanksgiving in the month of love! :)
  1. I am thankful for a knowledge of God
  2. I am thankful for His love
  3. I am thankful for His Son, Jesus Christ and both of their sacrifices
  4. I am thankful for the opportunity to live life and grow
  5. I am thankful for the Church
  6. I am thankful for loving parents and my wacky brother (there is never a dull moment in my house)
  7. I am thankful for a loving bishop who cares about me, my life, and my struggles
  8. I am thankful for the Priesthood and being able to use its power
  9. I am thankful for the friends that I have and how good they are to me
  10. I am thankful for SSA and the unique opportunities for learning it provides me, opportunities that most people do not experience
  11. I am thankful for the opportunity to have Crohn's Disease even though it can be painful at times
  12. I am thankful for the opportunity to attend BYU and to learn
  13. I am thankful for the doctors that change my life and influence me
  14. I am thankful for the scriptures
  15. I am thankful for cars
  16. I am thankful for modern medicine
  17. I am thankful for my three jobs
  18. I am thankful for the talents God has given me and the skills He has helped me develop
  19. I am thankful for my grandparents
  20. I am thankful for the MoHo Community
  21. I am thankful for the love I have felt from others
  22. I am thankful for my counselor
  23. I am thankful for understanding people
  24. I am thankful for the good times in my life
  25. I am thankful for the bad times in my life
  26. I am thankful for fun dates
  27. I am thankful for music
  28. I am thankful for the love of my life, the pool
  29. I am thankful for change
  30. I am thankful for challenging situations
I am thankful for so many things. There are so many things to make me happy because I have been blessed in a lot of ways. Why focus on the negative aspects of life when there are positive aspects? These are the things that make me happy and that is all that matters.

Happy Thanksgiving during the month of love! :)

PS I changed my "about me" section in my profile. Let me know what you think.

Crohn's Disease

17 February 2008
This is an update of my life. I just want you all to know that I do not want any of you pitying me or telling me how sorry you are for me. It is another part of my life and another learning experience that God sees fit to give me. I have gotten over the self-loathing and I do not need it to come back because of what others say.

For the past couple weeks, I have been in severe pain. My abdomen has been hurting and it has gotten to the point that my testicles would start to hurt. Yeah, it definitely is not very fun. The pain peaked on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday. I definitely wanted to die because it hurt so bad. My mom finally took me into the hospital Monday night. We went there and had a pretty good time. I was there until about 2, I had tons of tests performed on me, and I got to drink one of the nastiest drinks I have ever drunk in my life! They told me that I had some problems with my intestines and that I would need to see a specialist.

I did not go to school on Tuesday because I slept most of the day. I also had an appointment with the gastroenterologist. It was fun, except when he touched me where it hurt the most and I doubled in pain. He told me that I most likely had Crohn's Disease, but I would have an endoscopy just to make sure. I went out to eat with some family friends because their and basically my grandma died on Sunday.

I again did not go to school on Wednesday because of the funeral and because I was sick and in a lot of pain. The funeral was really good for me and the family. It felt nice to feel her love for me and to feel the love I had for her. It was also good to see one of my best friends who moved away.

Valentine's Day came around and I felt like hell. The pain and feeling sick was just killing me. I sat at home all day waiting for it to end. I had to go to one of my classes because I had to take a test (that was the worst experience of my life) and then I came home immediately to start my preparations for the endoscopy on Friday. The preparations I had to do was drink this nasty solution every 10 minutes. I started at 5 and was supposed to be done at 8, but it was so gross and I had an awfully hard time keeping it down. I finished at 11:30. It just about killed me and it made me so weak. I wanted to die. Calvin and Delilah came to visit me though so that made my night a lot better.

Then came Friday morning. I got up early for the procedure and went in. It was a quick procedure that only took about ten minutes. The results came out positive for Crohn's Disease. I went home and was pretty down, but I was happy at the same time because that meant that I could start treatment. Dancing Queen came to visit me and brought me a rose and a late valentine balloon. It was really sweet of her. Then Brady came over after dinner and we watched a movie.

I went out last night with Delilah and had a great time. We then met up with Calvin and Brady. I ended the night early cause I was in severe pain, but I still had a good time. I am now a pill popper because I take about forty pills a day. It is ok though. I am trying to live my life the best I can. Now, I am just trying to be as happy as I can be and living life.

It also makes me wonder what God is going to throw at me next. Whatever it is, I think that I can handle it and that it will be the best thing for me. He does this because He loves me.

I also want to say that I love my family and that they are so good to me because they have sacrificed a lot this past week. They are so wonderful to me.

I should be doing homework cause I have not been to school all week and I need to catch up. UGH!

Dancing Queen

11 February 2008
I am really excited for this week. I have two dates with Dancing Queen. Originally it was only supposed to be one on Valentine's Day. This fell through because she promised some people that she would go to a dance with them. This then turned into a date on Wednesday to go to a concert together. Then she called me the other day and said that Valentine's Day is now open for her. I am so excited for the concert on Wednesday and then Dinner, Step Up 2, and dessert on Thursday. Dating is so much fun!

For the Love of God

What would do you for the Love of God?

Nothing! That is how wonderful he is. You do not have to give a thing to have God love you. He loves you no matter what.

I think that a lot of us forget an important part of our inherent identity. We are all children of God and He loves us no matter what we do, say, or become. It doesn't matter if you are gay, straight, bi, white, black, or yellow (I've never got why people of Asian descent are considered "yellow"). He always love us the same.

I know that there are times that we feel lonely, unloved, lost, and confused. I challenge you to remember that God loves you and that He will never leave you because you are His son or daughter. He is reaching out to you and if you reach out to Him and believe, you can feel His overwhelming love for you.

Yesterday was definitely not my day. I woke up really sick and in extreme amounts of pain. Then my mom came downstairs and told me that an old family friend died. She was like a grandma to me because she took care of me during the summer while I played with her grandchildren. She was always so nice and she genuinely loved me as I loved her. I got ready and then went to church. The pain and sickness continued. We went over to our friend's house. It was sad, but it was good to see her go because she was 95. I then came home to do homework for a little while before dinner. The pain and sickness made it hard to concentrate. We ate dinner and then I tried to do more homework. After that, I tried to relax myself to get rid of the pain and sickness. I couldn't. I then tried to go to bed, but I ended up crying in the fetal position because it hurt so bad. I just wanted to die. I then let out a cry to God. I felt His love so strongly and I felt that everything will be alright. I also felt that I am going through this to make me stronger, to make me realize my dependence on Him. I tend to not depend on God because I can feel like I can do it on my own, but I cannot. I need him. I need Him, His love, His help, and His comfort.

He will help you as long as you do everything that you can do and try your best and then call upon Him. This is because He loves you and He will do anything for you. He even sent his Only Begotten to die for us because He loves us.

The Pool

03 February 2008
I went to the pool yesterday. It felt so good to get back into the water. I really did not get to sort through my thoughts like I usually do, but I am fine with that. There were other important things that I had to do. Needless to say, it was good and I am glad that I went. The best part was that I have the beautiful fragrance of chlorine back on my skin. Now I just need to keep it there...

PS I think that there were a few guys there that were freaked out because I was wearing a speedo. Hahaha!