28 October 2009
I read a post by Boskers this morning about friendship. Having friends is an interesting concept because it is different for everyone. Some people need to have as many friendships as possible, whether these friendship are close or not does not matter. Then there are others who need to have a few close friendships or a small group that they click with and always do things with. Finally, there are few who can have many acquaintances, some closer acquaintances, and a close friend or two and be happy. Note: These aren't the only categories, but more like extremes. I realize that there are mixes of these three categories that I've claimed.

As I have looked at my friendships since reading that post, I've realized that I fall into the final category. I have many acquaintances that I may occasionally do something with or talk to. I also have some closer friends that I see more often and go out to lunch with. Finally, I have a couple of close friends (I'm going to say two) that I regularly hang out with... well, kind of. Regularly for me is maybe once in a week or two. It doesn't happen very often. I have come to see myself as a lone wolf. I came to this vision of myself as I was writing my medical school essays.

As a lone wolf, I feel like I don't need friendships. I don't need people in my life. I guess that is why a lot of my friendships come and go. I makes me wonder if my friends realize this. Anyways, I digress... I am completely contempt to work, research, study, go to school, serve at the retirement home, and read a book, instead of interacting with others. There are many Friday and Saturday nights where I am in the research lab until 9 or 10 pm or I might be studying in the library. I don't crave social interaction, unless it is with my close friends (the two of them). They are the people that I miss and they fill a small void that I have inside of me. I love them dearly and would hate to have them out of my life.

So yeah, I really don't know why I am writing this. It was my stream of conscientiousness running wild. Here is a shout out to my two best friends Nile-o and Sherica. I love you both! :)

PS I hope that I didn't make any of my closer friends or acquaintances feel bad by reading this. It was just some thoughts that came out of my head. I love all my friends, even though we aren't as close as my two best friends.


22 October 2009
I am completely drained; drained beyond comprehension. I want everything to be done. I don't want any of this anymore. I'm only getting four or five hours of sleep each night. I'm drowning in everything that I am involved in. I'm falling behind in classes, yet still holding on to good grades. I spend way too much time in the research lab, but I can't leave because I have experiments running that need my attention. I spent seven hours at a swim meet yesterday that should have only been three or less. Then the day before I had a coaches meeting that went on for three hours. I think that I've actually over-done myself this time. I am also sick of waiting for interviews. I have been questioning if I am a good applicant or not. If I am meant to go to medical school. If I can even handle medical school. These feelings have also stopped me from finishing my last four applications. Some are due the first of November and I need to finish them quickly, while others are due in the middle of November. I need to hurry and finish those. Everything is crashing down. Why can't this end? When will the madness stop?

I have a project that I should be working on at the moment that is due at eleven tonight, but I have no motivation. I haven't had time to work on it. I just want to go to bed and sleep. I feel like my purpose in life is lost. My passion is lost. I'm just going through the motions to stay afloat.



07 October 2009
I am stuck on one of my last medical school applications because I am not sure what to write about. Here is the prompt: "What makes you special, someone who will add to the Mount Sinai community?" This prompt has given me a lot of trouble, more so than any other. This is because I need to write an essay that isn't full of cockiness and arrogance, yet at the same time I have to show that I am a unique person that will bring something to Mount Sinai Medical School. I turn this over to all of you because I am not sure what to write about and all of my friends and family say generic things to write about.

What do you think makes me special?