28 October 2009
I read a post by Boskers this morning about friendship. Having friends is an interesting concept because it is different for everyone. Some people need to have as many friendships as possible, whether these friendship are close or not does not matter. Then there are others who need to have a few close friendships or a small group that they click with and always do things with. Finally, there are few who can have many acquaintances, some closer acquaintances, and a close friend or two and be happy. Note: These aren't the only categories, but more like extremes. I realize that there are mixes of these three categories that I've claimed.

As I have looked at my friendships since reading that post, I've realized that I fall into the final category. I have many acquaintances that I may occasionally do something with or talk to. I also have some closer friends that I see more often and go out to lunch with. Finally, I have a couple of close friends (I'm going to say two) that I regularly hang out with... well, kind of. Regularly for me is maybe once in a week or two. It doesn't happen very often. I have come to see myself as a lone wolf. I came to this vision of myself as I was writing my medical school essays.

As a lone wolf, I feel like I don't need friendships. I don't need people in my life. I guess that is why a lot of my friendships come and go. I makes me wonder if my friends realize this. Anyways, I digress... I am completely contempt to work, research, study, go to school, serve at the retirement home, and read a book, instead of interacting with others. There are many Friday and Saturday nights where I am in the research lab until 9 or 10 pm or I might be studying in the library. I don't crave social interaction, unless it is with my close friends (the two of them). They are the people that I miss and they fill a small void that I have inside of me. I love them dearly and would hate to have them out of my life.

So yeah, I really don't know why I am writing this. It was my stream of conscientiousness running wild. Here is a shout out to my two best friends Nile-o and Sherica. I love you both! :)

PS I hope that I didn't make any of my closer friends or acquaintances feel bad by reading this. It was just some thoughts that came out of my head. I love all my friends, even though we aren't as close as my two best friends.


boskers said...

So you're a lone wolf now, but was it always like that? did you go through a "phase" where you craved meeting new people when you "came out"?

I guess I could imagine your definition of a lone wolf not being so bad as long as you have those couple friendships that you know you can always depend on. Otherwise, from my present perspective, it looks kind of lonely.

But as you say, you keep yourself busy with all kinds of activities. That definitely gives you opportunities to be social and interact with individuals in a positive way, and therefore fill the void you might feel.

You're impressive, Sean. Keep being an example.

Sean said...

Well, I sort of have a unique coming out story that is unlike most others. I really don't want to go into detail here on this blog. There are some out there who know the whole story, but I don't want everyone to know. There was a time where I did reach out to a few, but after making friends with a few people, I stopped actively pursuing friendships. If people wanted to meet me, I would oblige and meet them. Yeah, I guess I might just be weird and abnormal. Yeah, that's probably it.

You like most people see my life as lonely. I find it quite amusing for some reason. I do not feel alone at all. I love doing the things that I do and they are what keep me going. I guess I could say that I base my opinion of myself on what I do rather than what others do with me (that sounds cocky and arrogant, but it is true and that is probably why I don't have the desire to have many friends or spend tons of time with people).

Hidden said...

Love ya. Miss ya. The end. :)