Wow! This was amazing and really touching. Everyone should watch this.
That is one thing I've learned, that it is possible to really understand things at certain points, and not be able to retain them, to be in utter confusion just a short while later. I used to think that once you really knew a thing, its truth would shine on forever. Now it's pretty obvious to me that more goes out with a bang when you try and call on it, just like a light bulb cracking off when you throw the switch. -Lucy Grealy from Truth and Beauty: A Friendship by Ann PatchettI think that this relates a lot to life in the church. It seems like whenever life becomes tough, we forget God, His teachings, and our testimonies. We tend to wander in darkness and think that we are following the path that He wants us to follow. Then we wake up and find out that we are utterly wrong and we find the truth again. I believe that we must always strive to hold on the the truth even though it is as fleeting as flipping a light switch or a light bulb burning out.
It is easy to forget and harder to remember.
It is easy to make wrong choices and harder to do what you need to to gain forgiveness.
I have been having interesting conversations with a lot of different people lately. Everybody is at different stages in their life and they see things differently than me. The other day I was talking to a dear girlfriend of mine and she brought up the subject of the fear of trying. Then another time I was talking to my best friend, Brady, and the topic came up. It keeps coming up with people I talk to, so I thought it would be a good topic to write about and share my thoughts with you.
I have noticed with others and myself that we are afraid to try to do something new. We are afraid to try something that is going to be hard and difficult It is interesting how it is a cake walk to not be afraid to try something that easy.
It makes me wonder what heaven was like then. Were we utterly without fear? We knew what our lives would entail, the trials that we would go through, and the difficulties we would face, but we still decided to come here on earth and face them. We had to have full faith in God and be utterly trusting of Him to come here to earth or else, we would have gone with Satan.
Where has this full faith and great trust gone? Have we lost it by the wayside? Has Satan gotten a hold of our minds and cause us to doubt God? I believe that a lot of us have lost our faith and trust in God. We think that we know what is right for us. In reality, God only knows what is best for us and I believe that He wants us to try to overcome the natural or "gay" man inside of all of us. I believe that SSA is another trial that is hard, but something that God wants us to overcome and that it is something that we can overcome.
Why are we afraid to try? I hear excuses that we do not want to hurt the woman you are dating. That is a bunch of bull crap! Women get hurt everyday by straight guys. Believe me, I know. I am a go to guy with a lot of my girlfriends when they are hurt, lonely, and sad. Then I hear other excuses that it is not natural. Well, the church teaches going against the natural man and getting rid of the natural, evil tendencies that we have. Then I hear other excuses that it is not worth it. It makes me wonder how it could not be worth it. God is preparing mansions for us and wanting us to become Gods. They only way that we can become Gods is by following His teachings and doctrines. There is no other way.
These excuses that come from fear to try. My bishop told me a story. I cannot remember who it was about (this really did happen, I promise), but this man lived his life everyday with the motto of "Just Do It!" He would say this motto every time he left his house, work, and whenever he needed a reminder. This motto meant to him that he would follow the Spirit and the church's teachings. If things got hard, he would tell himself to "just do it!"
I think that we should all take this motto upon us. We need to do it. We need to take the chances and risks that a lot of us are so afraid to do. We need to do what the church tells us and overcome the natural man inside of us. We need to stop being afraid of what is hard and put our trust in the Lord, like we did before we came here. We need to keep fighting the good fight and work on bettering ourselves. We need to unite ourselves to fight Satan and help others who are struggling because we cannot do it alone. Too many people get hurt and go off the deep end when they try to do it alone. We did not do it alone in the premortal life.
And they [this is all of the spirits on God's side, so us] overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. -Revelation 12:11Have faith and trust the Lord. We were once willing to die for our testimonies and I believe that we should be willing to sacrifice our "gay" part of ourselves to our beloved Savior and Redeemer and to our most gracious God.
-Pat Benatar, "All Fired Up"
I have been in love with Pat Benatar for a long time. She is pretty much amazing. This song hit me yesterday when it says that we live and learn from our mistakes and the deepest cuts are healed by faith. It is such true doctrine and I hope that we can all live, learn, and be healed by faith.
So please tell me if you like me or not. I do not care what you say, just be honest with me and speak your mind. That is what I always try to do so I hope that you will do this for me.
Do you like me?
Then I look at my experience here in the MoHo world. Why did I meet all of you and why do I keep writing? Well, I write for myself. I write what I see and I write what I think. I also write for others and I hope that they can gain a different perspective of someone who is happy in life and who is a member of the church, not of one who is struggling and who hates the church. People may not agree with it, but it is me. This is my blog and it is full of me. That's all.
It looks like everyone is starting to defend their decisions and trying to prove to me and to others it is right. I have seen a lot of negative impact because of this and I wonder if it was the right thing to do. I know that the Spirit has told me that it is right, but because I am not perfect I can still doubt the decisions I made to say what I said. I know that they were true though and I know that I am doing the right thing.
I am going to start using the scriptures more often in my posts. I think that this will be good for everyone, especially myself. This is for me.
I still have some posts that I am working on that are just my thoughts. I know for a fact that a lot of you will not agree with what I say, but that is ok because it is for me.
So why do I write? I write for me. It is for warnings, upliftings, thoughts, my understandings, and whatever else it might be, but it is for me. Hopefully, others might be able to use my thoughts and whatever else I decide to post, but that is not important to me. What is important is that I am doing this for me (have I emphasized this enough).
I do not know if any of you have noticed that I have been pulling out the MoHo world. Well, I am telling you that I am. The first step for me was stopping going to the Matis'. It then moved on to more drastic steps. I am lucky to keep this blog going because I have four others that I write for me and some other friends have the opportunity to read about my thoughts and about me.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you all do not have to defend your position because of what I say. It is just a way for me to notice things and strengthen myself. It is for me. Please do not think that I am attacking you or anyone else. I know a couple of my last posts have been directed out to the general public, but they were directed to me as much as it was to you all. I am not going to do this anymore. I am just going to write for me. There will be no direction involved and maybe, just maybe it can help some of you out there.
I feel like I am repeating myself a lot, but I hope that you get the point of my blog. It is for me!