Proposition 8

Before I say anything serious about the subject, I wanted to say that it is hilarious how when the ruling was made that everybody in the west was freaking out, but nobody in the east cared. It seems like more than land distances the east from the west... Anyways, now back to what I wanted to say.

I don't believe I have ever said this on my blog before, but I supported the No on Prop. 8 campaign. The reasons for this are many, but I will name a few and possibly elaborate on them. First, I believe that God brought us here to make choices and determine what is the path of life we want to take. Isn't that what Jesus fought for in the pre-existence? Satan supported control and making everybody follow God's will to get back to heaven or Satan supported letting man do whatever he wanted with no consequences, thus gaining salvation no matter what (whichever you believe... I've heard both and I am more partial to the second). However, Christ fought for the ability to choose, and that is what God wanted. He gives us commandments to follow through prophets and personal revelation, BUT it is our choice whether we follow these or disregard them. That being said, it means that everybody should have the choice to do what they please and not have anyone else impose their beliefs on them. I'll give one caveat, I believe this in full unless it harms another person e.g. murder, stealing, rape, etc. I do not see same-sex marriages falling into this category. How are they harming other people? I see no harmful causes and if someone does have a harmful cause, please enlighten me and prove it with scientific evidence.

Second our country was built upon freedom, specifically many of the people who came to America were looking for religious freedom AKA freedom of beliefs. People wanted to believe what they wanted without persecution. That is the main reason they left Europe. Our Founding Fathers then said that all men (and women) are created equal and have certain unalienable rights, those of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. If people are not allowed to enter into same-sex marriages (I consider marriage to be part of the unalienable right of the pursuit of happiness), they are not equal. However, our Founding Fathers stated that all men (and women) are CREATED EQUAL and have rights. This would make LGBT community second class citizens. Does this sound familiar? African-Americans were considered second class citizens for thousands of years. They did not obtain their full rights until 1968. Even though we have come a long way, some people still consider African Americans as second class citizens (then LGBT folks are lower to some... I guess that makes us third class citizens or pond scum). If we are all created equal, have certain unalienable rights, and are free, shouldn't we all have the EXACT same rights? I believe so.

Third, different morals does not mean the whole world is going to fall apart and end. People have had varying morals since the beginning of time. This goes back to the choice argument. We have the right to choose what to do and what is best for us. Just because you have different morals than someone else does not make you inherently better than them. They might be one of the most anthropic person in the world, but they might smoke and drink. Does that make you better than them? No. Also, the whole moral argument does not sit well with me. Why isn't there a bigger push to outlaw smoking, drinking alcohol and tea, having sex outside of marriage, having children out of wedlock, eating too much, etc.? All of those are considered morally wrong, but the prophet and the Church are not spending a lot of money fighting all of those evils. It doesn't entirely make sense to me. Where is the logical behind creating a law against one moral, but not another?

Finally, my opinion is completely summed up in this simple sentence written by a close friend. "It is ridiculous for someone to think their personal view of morality trumps someone else's freedom of choice and equality."

I have more I want to write, but I need to do other things. This is to be continued...

When I Grow Up

When I grow up, I want to be in a career of academic medicine. I have been pushing this idea around for the past couple of years and it has really struck me that this is what I really want to do ever since Christmas and it has been getting stronger and stronger each day. I want to be in a situation where I can practice clinical medicine, perform research, and teach at an academic medical center. That is what I truly want to do. I don't want to be just a doctor. I want to be someone who is looking for cures, teaching future doctors, and helping patients have better lives. I'm kicking myself in the head because I should have went with my instinct when I first applied to medical school. I should not have let others convince me otherwise because I only applied to MD programs when I should have applied to at least some MD/PhD programs. I guess that there is always next year.

Right now, I have three interviews for a MD. I have one next week at Columbia, one the week after at Baylor, and the last in March at The Ohio State. We'll see if I get in or not. To be honest, I hope that I don't get in and I am already starting my applications again. My hope of not getting in is because I am not sure if I can get accepted into an MD program and then switch to an MD/PhD program. If I can, that would be ideal, especially if I got into Columbia or Baylor. If not, I have my back-up plans. My back-up plan is denying admittance or postponing matriculation for a year and then reapplying. I already applied for a post-baccalaureate program at the NIH for a year. I really hope that I get into the program because it will really boost my résumé. The I can apply to MD/PhD programs and see what happens. If I don't get accepted into and MD/PhD, I have my MD to fall back on at one of the three schools above (that is if I get accepted into their institution).

Anyways, those are my plans for right now. I am really loving life. I work 30-40 hours a week in my research lab and then I am still coaching Timpview swimming. We won Region a couple of weekends ago and we are going to make a run for state this coming weekend. I hope that we can win! I am also really excited to be in New York next week for my first interview (It's my first time in the Big Apple).

Time

As Madonna says, "Time goes by so slowly" and at the same time, "I've only got four minutes to save the world..."

This, however, doesn't seen to be happening to me right now. It's going way too fast and those four minutes are coming to an end faster than I want! There's so little time, yet so much to do! Holy crapola! Where has all the time gone? I finished the semester yesterday and I'm officially a senior, even though I have technically been a senior since my sophomore year. I only have one year of college left! I'm kind of freaking out about that. I'm going to be applying to medical schools this up and coming month. I'm going to be working very hard on publishing a paper this summer. There is so much to do! I also have my MCAT in about a week and half (wish me luck)! It's crazy, psycho, and really exciting all at once. All that I can think is WOW! My life has come and gone and continues to come and go.

I look back to my freshman year here at BYU and in three short, yet long years, I have become a man. I feel like I am no longer the little boy who started college. The one who was nervous, scared, yet confident at the same time. That confidence has grown more and more as I have come out and become comfortable with who I am. No longer am I scared to be proud of who I am. No longer am I scared to show everybody my smarts, my skills, my passions, and basically everything about me. (On a side note, I ran into a bunch of old friends from high school and they didn't recognize me. They told me that I have changed so much and I'm very happy about that.) I am who I am and if people don't like me, that's their own fault. For instance, I wore my Madonna shirt to a final the other day and everybody just looked at me like I was insane and some started laughing. I told them not to judge and that Madonna is amazing. They all got serious and quiet. It was amazing! I also wore my "I heart, heart, heart, polygamy" shirt yesterday. I had some people give me crazy looks, but others thought it was amazing! I even had one of my favorite professors tell me that she wished she had the confidence to wear that shirt on campus. It was pretty much amazing! I have finally found who I am and I am extremely happy!

I love being me! I love my life! I love who I am! I can't wait to get into the real world and show the world who I am and what I can do! I can't wait to accomplish my goals and purpose in life! There is so much good I can do in my life and it's about that time to start happening! I can't wait to save lives! I can't wait to change the world! It's my time and I'm ready for the challenge!

As I look at my time here at BYU, I know I wouldn't have become the person that I am today without actually being here at BYU. I'm pretty sure that my life would be completely different. I know a lot of people regret coming to BYU because they came out to themselves here and couldn't be their true selves, but I feel the opposite. I feel like my experience here has let me become my true self. It has helped me gain a sense of who I am and what I want to do with my life. Also, thanks to Michael, I was able to stand up for something that I truly believed in. BYU has been great for me, even though I have hated it at times. It has also reinforced some of the goals that I set for myself at the beginning of college.

My path is still opened to me and I am taking it with confidence and one step at a time.

PS I love this website! It makes my life a little bit better everyday. (Thanks Camille for introducing me to it!)

Looking Back

About two years ago, I came out to my first friend. That friend then came out to me that very same night and we became boyfriends. In a couple of days, it will mark the day that I last talked to him. That was a very hard day for me. As I look back, the separation was the best for the both of us. This event is what started me on my journey of self-discovery. I have learned so much in just two years about life, love, myself, friends, the world, and so much more. I know that I couldn't have done this with him in my life. He consumed me during the time when we were together. He was always on my mind. We were always texting, doing homework, hanging out, watching movies, swimming, playing, working out, eating (one of our favorite past times after swimming or working out), and many other things. We were inseparable. He is now serving a mission. He has made different choices in his life that led him there. He went on a different journey of self-discovery than me. There are days that I wish I would have been on a different path so I could be on a mission right now like him and there are other days that I am glad that I am on a different path and not a mission. There is one thing that I wish I could change though--I wish I could still be friends with him.

I realize that I can't change the past, the different paths that I have been on, and the choices I have made. I can only choose the path that I am on at this moment. I love the path that I am on. It has taught so much about myself. It has started a new period of self-discovery. What is my path now? It is the path of things that I love and am passionate about. I am in love with swimming, coaching, medicine, school, Madonna, research, my goals, and my friends. These things fill my time and teach me so many things. I have learned that I absolutely love life, even though it sucks sometimes (actually this semester life has pretty much sucked the whole time). I have learned not to feel lonely and if I do how to fix that. I have learned that people love and miss me. I have learned that I am a leader, not a follower (I have always known this but it has become more prevalent in my life). I have learned that I can have one of the hardest semesters in my collegiate career and come off top in all of my classes. I have learned that I don't have to hide anything anymore--I am who I am, which includes all of my faults. I have learned about HIV and I am starting to write a paper with my advising professor. I have learned to create and achieve bigger and better goals in my life. I have seen Madonna in concert and that renewed my love for her. I learned at the concert that she is amazing live! I have a renewed passion for swimming and coaching it. I have had a greater sense of my calling in life. I know that I am supposed to be doctor, even though I have many other talents in other areas. The last major and probably most important lesson I have learned is balancing all areas of my life. These things that I have learned have all come from the path that I am on right now--the one that I chose.

Where does this lead me now? Do I change paths, stay on the one that I am, or do I move in the same direction while exploring little side paths? I'm not sure. I go by feel. I do what I feel is right. I know that the path that I am on is wrong for me when areas of my life start to suffer because of choices I have made--the balance is thrown off. I'm going to keep on trekking in this life to find out what it is supposed to be and who I am.

One last thing that I want to say is that I am finally truly happy with no conditions placed upon my happiness. I love myself, my life, and everything that it involves! :)

Prayer

I prayed for the first time in awhile last night--well, it was a time that I felt like I needed to pray and not only do it because my bishop wants me to. It felt really good and I felt loved. I felt the Spirit very strongly and I felt like I was on the right path. I also felt that God knows that I am trying to be good and that I am doing the right things to be forgiven. I am going to continue to keep on working and doing my best to make my life as good as it can be.

Taking Baby Steps

I have started the process of moving on. I have decided that I do not want to serve a church service mission. I just want to move on my life and I feel like it will set me back from my goals and not be very beneficial to me. I am taking a break from school this summer and I am working four jobs to keep me busy, but I do not think I will be that busy (if anyone wants to play, let me know). I am also moving in with a straight friend this coming fall. I really like him. He was my home teaching companion in my freshmen ward and he is great! I am thinking about coming out to him. I have thought about that for a long time. I am still not sure if I am going to yet, but it is a definite possibility. I have also decided to date as much as I can. I need to start looking for marriage even though I do not feel ready to marry. I have also decided to keep writing this blog. I feel that it is beneficial to me and I believe people enjoy reading it.

PS I love Madonna's new CD!

Spaz or Not?

The minute a whistle appeared and boundaries were called, I transformed into a spaz. It all seemed so unfair: I knew in my heart I had great potential, star potential even, but my knowing didn’t translate into hitting the ball that was coming my way. I resigned myself early on, even though I knew I could outread, outspell, and outtest the strongest kid in the classroom. And when I was picked practically last for crazy kickball or crab relays, I defeatedly assumed a certain lackadaisical attitude, which partially accounts for my in attention on the day my jaw collided with Joni Friedman’s head.

-Lucy Grealy, Autobiography of a Face

All too often, we become Lucy Grealy. We become a spaz here in life.

In the premortal life, all of us knew of our great potential and that is why we chose to come here to earth. Now that we are here, I believe that we forget our potential and transform into the spaz, like Lucy. We do know and remember our potential deep down inside our hearts, but it does not come out. It stays hidden and some people are fine with this, while others are not.

The people who let their potential stay hidden gain the lackadaisical attitude Lucy describes. It seems like they fall off their path more easily than others and just live life not ascribing to greatness. This saddens me because they do not want to find their potential and they do not care to. They would rather go through life doing what they see is best for them, rather than doing what God knows is best for them. Their path from God might be different than mine (all of our paths are different), but they need to find it so they can grow to their full potential. Another thing that I have also noticed is that these people usually are the fence sitters and do not make decisions about their life and future. They live in the past and the here and now. They have a hard time looking to the future and the future scares them, so they continue their lackadaisical attitude.

The people who search for their potential are the go-getters and they look to God. They want to become something amazing and extraordinary. Their quest for them, however, never ends because they feel like they are never amazing or extraordinary. Even though their quest does not end, they continue to move on. Growth and understanding are things that they want and hope for on their quest and by searching for them, they obtain their secrets. They try things, learn from mistakes, and move on with life (look to the past, live in the here and now, and make goals for the future). The interesting thing about their search is that they do become extraordinary and amazing to others, even if they feel ordinary. Compared to those who are lackadaisical, they are astounding.

God's Will

I have been having a lot of really good experiences lately. I have felt really close to God and I feel like what I am doing is right. I also feel like He has a plan and purpose for me. He loves me and He wants me to have a good life. He sees my potential and He is helping me obtain it.

I know that one of my biggest problems is dropping my will, my wants, and my desires and then following God's will. I know that I used to be a lot worse at this, but I have noticed that I have been getting better the more I practice it. As I have noticed, it is quite comforting to start trusting the Lord and turning your life over to Him. You know that He will never lead you astray and that He will help you in your times of need. You know that He provides situations to challenge you and help you grow and in these situations, He has given you all of the tools to succeed and accomplish the task at hand. You know that everything that you go through is for you benefit. I have also noticed that you become more aware of your situations and the potentials hazards there are in them. Turning your life over to the Lord is a powerful tool to help you succeed, reach your potential, and gain every blessing that God sees fit to give you.

This past Sunday, I had a hard lesson in putting my trust in the Lord. At first, I had a melt-down and totally freaked out! I had no idea what to do or where to go from that point and I had lost all hope. I was basically lost. The more I started to think about my hopes, desires, dreams, wants, etc. from before that point, the more I noticed that they coincided with Church and it's teachings and doctrines. I then prostrated myself before God and prayed a long prayer. It was full of tears, but it was also full of hope and faith. I felt the Spirit so strongly. I soon found myself praying that I will have the strength and desire to do whatever the Lord wanted me to do, because He knows what will be best for me. All that I wanted to do was to serve Him. I gave myself up to God and I am continuing to give myself up to God. I am now trying to put Him first in my life, more so than I have in the past. Before this experience, I would sometimes put God first in my life, but I was easily distracted by friends, family, homework, school, work, and many other things. These things matter, but they are not as important as putting God first. God is what matters.

Note: My melt-down did not have anything to do SSA. It is related, but it was something completely different that I would not like to share in a public forum.

LIfe is Like...

Life is like new clothes. When you first buy them, you want to wear them all the time and show them off, because you look hot in them, but as you constantly wear them, you start to get bored with them and crave something more, so you go shopping again and get some new clothes.

What does this have to do with my life? Well, I think that it has to deal with many aspects of my life. I look back at my life and its development. It is unique because of the time period, how you deal with things at that time, and where you are spiritually. As I have recently been looking at my life right now, I have been considering why I feel like I am going nowhere. I found an answer at the Priesthood Session of General Conference.

As I said in an earlier post, the doctrine of always raising the bar hit me really hard. It was kind of like a slap in the face. During the summer, I received some great inspiration and I stuck with that inspiration. I worked on doing what I was supposed to and what God was telling me to do. Then when the school year was about to start and when it started, I was sort of in a funk. Things did not feel the same (my clothes were not so flashy anymore) and I wanted and needed something more.

I soon found out that I needed to raise the bar. I need to do this because I felt spiritually hindered and that I was not going anywhere. I was just stuck in a state of no improvement. I needed to challenge myself spiritually (read scriptures more often, pray more often, etc.) to gain more confidence in myself and God. Thus causing my spiritual growth once again. I will tell you right now that I feel like I am growing again and that I am out the funk that I was in. I am not so depressed and I am slowly getting over a big problem that I am still struggling with.

I now have my new clothes and I am going to wear them as much as I can. I am also going to try to keep them as nice as they can for a while. I now know that they will eventually wear out and that they will need to be replaced with something bigger and better.

Name Change

I changed the name of my blog earlier this week and I do not think that anyone has noticed. That is ok, so I thought that I would share why I changed the name from "The Unknown Path" to "The Opened Path."

It was originally named "The Unknown Path" because I was still unsure about what route in life I was going to take. There were a lot of questions in my mind about what was the right thing to do and what I truly want in life.

This past summer, I discovered many answers and found the path that I should be taking. The way opened up before me and certain events in my life started to show me that the path was opening up for me. My life changed, I changed, and something great started to grow inside of me.

As the subtitle of my blog it says, "My path is no longer a mystery. It is before me and open. I just need to have the courage to take it..."