Fear of Trying

24 December 2007
I am back from my hiatus after finishing finals and taking a break. Finals went well for me. There was a lot of stress, but it turned out to be good. Now, most of my friends are gone for the holidays and I am still here in Provo. I am with family, so do not worry. My family lives here and I have lived here my whole life. I know, I know, it is kind of boring, but hey, it is life as I know it.

I have been having interesting conversations with a lot of different people lately. Everybody is at different stages in their life and they see things differently than me. The other day I was talking to a dear girlfriend of mine and she brought up the subject of the fear of trying. Then another time I was talking to my best friend, Brady, and the topic came up. It keeps coming up with people I talk to, so I thought it would be a good topic to write about and share my thoughts with you.

I have noticed with others and myself that we are afraid to try to do something new. We are afraid to try something that is going to be hard and difficult It is interesting how it is a cake walk to not be afraid to try something that easy.

It makes me wonder what heaven was like then. Were we utterly without fear? We knew what our lives would entail, the trials that we would go through, and the difficulties we would face, but we still decided to come here on earth and face them. We had to have full faith in God and be utterly trusting of Him to come here to earth or else, we would have gone with Satan.

Where has this full faith and great trust gone? Have we lost it by the wayside? Has Satan gotten a hold of our minds and cause us to doubt God? I believe that a lot of us have lost our faith and trust in God. We think that we know what is right for us. In reality, God only knows what is best for us and I believe that He wants us to try to overcome the natural or "gay" man inside of all of us. I believe that SSA is another trial that is hard, but something that God wants us to overcome and that it is something that we can overcome.

Why are we afraid to try? I hear excuses that we do not want to hurt the woman you are dating. That is a bunch of bull crap! Women get hurt everyday by straight guys. Believe me, I know. I am a go to guy with a lot of my girlfriends when they are hurt, lonely, and sad. Then I hear other excuses that it is not natural. Well, the church teaches going against the natural man and getting rid of the natural, evil tendencies that we have. Then I hear other excuses that it is not worth it. It makes me wonder how it could not be worth it. God is preparing mansions for us and wanting us to become Gods. They only way that we can become Gods is by following His teachings and doctrines. There is no other way.

These excuses that come from fear to try. My bishop told me a story. I cannot remember who it was about (this really did happen, I promise), but this man lived his life everyday with the motto of "Just Do It!" He would say this motto every time he left his house, work, and whenever he needed a reminder. This motto meant to him that he would follow the Spirit and the church's teachings. If things got hard, he would tell himself to "just do it!"

I think that we should all take this motto upon us. We need to do it. We need to take the chances and risks that a lot of us are so afraid to do. We need to do what the church tells us and overcome the natural man inside of us. We need to stop being afraid of what is hard and put our trust in the Lord, like we did before we came here. We need to keep fighting the good fight and work on bettering ourselves. We need to unite ourselves to fight Satan and help others who are struggling because we cannot do it alone. Too many people get hurt and go off the deep end when they try to do it alone. We did not do it alone in the premortal life.
And they [this is all of the spirits on God's side, so us] overcame him [Satan] by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony; and they loved not their lives unto the death. -Revelation 12:11
Have faith and trust the Lord. We were once willing to die for our testimonies and I believe that we should be willing to sacrifice our "gay" part of ourselves to our beloved Savior and Redeemer and to our most gracious God.


Peter said...

Trying to overcome SSA was what I was doing for years. Within the contexts of trying to overcome SSA, I tried therapy, dating girls, not dating girls, ignoring the problem, not ignoring the problem, going on a mission, being really really really religious, etc. I took a variety of approaches to the homosexuality. What I never dared trying was accepting it as a possible lifestyle for me. I was too scared to do it. Then some things gave me some courage, and I decided to try something new- dating guys. It worked for me. I was scared, but I did it. I had to give up a lot- I had to make big sacrifices, but I did it.

For someone who is acting on their homosexuality and not happy, then trying to overcome it might be something new they should try. But for those who are trying and trying to overcome it and are not happy nor healthy, then your post seems to imply that they too should try something new. I'm going to assume, then, that you believe that doing something new that you are afraid to do is not always good ;-)

One of So Many said...

I certainly think that God has a plan for each of us. For most it is one way, for a few it is another.

Fear is something I've had all my life. Mostly fear of difficulty, fear of challenge (unlike the cake walks as you say).

My fear and my challenge that I think I have to overcome in this life is work. The prolonged, sustained effort work. Not the do it real hard then it's over kind of work, but the cognizant, sustained, lifelong lasting effort.

I'm really not looking forward to that kind of work and am always hesitant to start. I'm learning. I'm giving my all to this working out, losing weight, lifelong exercise thing and hope I don't chicken out because I'm afraid it's too hard. Or my effort won't get me the results I expect.

This is defiantly a bog topic for me now.

The key is to follow God and his desires for us and not impose what is our plan on others.

I'm trying to learn who God really is and have come to like a quote I'm paraphrasing. i don't know exactly where it's from but anyway:

For all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is outstretched still.

Okay I rambled a bit on your comments. Sorry.

playasinmar said...

What happens if you stop believing that He wants us to try to overcome the natural or "gay" man inside of all of us?

One of So Many said...

Then you stop believing.

draco said...

Then you embrace your gayness and live authentically.

I think a gay lifestyle can be just as scary and can take just as much trying as staying in the church. It's certainly not the easy way out, and I wouldn't call it giving up- just fighting a different battle.

playasinmar said...

"Authentic." It's a good word.

[əɪ̯ wʌndɹ̟] said...

This topic seems to be rather popular.

I agree with Peter - I think that very often, those who are "struggling" with SSA/SGA really just need to find out what it is like to really date someone to whom they are attracted, both physically and emotionally. It is wondrous how much good can come of a simple feeling of "normality" when one realises what it is like to just behave the same as everyone else (more or less) when it comes to dating and relationships. For many, it can really be quite therapeutic and healing.

Neal said...


I see the Wolf Pack has been howling at your door! You have a lot of people trying to convince you its OK to just let go and experiment. Well, my advice to you is exactly the opposite. None of us were put here to explore every carnal inclination we encounter. I can assure you that if you allow yourself to, you can find excitement or "fulfillment" in any of them. Of course it feels good to "let go". The pressure is off! But you just handed over the reigns to that "natural man" you mentioned, and once he has the reigns he's not inclined to let go of them again. All of us have the natural man within us - Gay or straight. Ultimately its how we deal with the natural man that will determine what kind of Exhalted man we will become. From Mosiah:

"For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father."

So there's the challenge spelled out for us. Will we yield to the natural man, or to the enticings of the Holy Spirit? Are we willing to submit to ALL things which the Lord sees fit to inflict upon us? Even SSA? Do we say, "Thy will be done."; or is it "MY will be done."? There's a lot of the latter going around right now. You hear people talking about "my" needs, "my" will, "my" life, "my" wants, "my" rights - all those "my's", and no "Thy's". Its not hard to identify where the "my's" will take you. Certainly not to the place your Heavenly Father would want you to be.

So keep trying! That's what enduring to the end is all about. When we stop trying that's when Satan wins.

Keep the faith, Sean. "Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." You're not alone, my friend.

Best Regards,


Sean said...


Don't worry about me. This post was mainly just my thoughts about people being scared to try the Church. They may say that they have tried, but I personally know that they can find happiness and peace in the Church even with SSA.

Thanks for your thoughts. I am glad that there are others out there who are willing to still fight for the Church and show others that it is worth it. I know that it is worth it because I believe.

Sean said...


I have one more thing to say. I am always in the wolf pack anymore. Most people hate what I say and are always fighting it. They are trying to defend their positions and bring mine down. It also seems that they are trying to convince me and others that my life is fake and that it is not real and that I cannot be happy. I beg to differ with this opinion because I am happy and I love life even though it can be hard sometimes.

playasinmar said...

It's not really hard to figure out what you're supposed to be doing. Just think to when you were doing things that made you happy. Really happy inside and not acting happy for those around you.

Then do those things.

Neal said...

There's that "My" stuff again. The scriptures say we should please God first.

I love this descriptive prophecy in Timothy, which so accurately describes our day:

2 Timothy 3:

"1 This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away."