22 October 2009
I am completely drained; drained beyond comprehension. I want everything to be done. I don't want any of this anymore. I'm only getting four or five hours of sleep each night. I'm drowning in everything that I am involved in. I'm falling behind in classes, yet still holding on to good grades. I spend way too much time in the research lab, but I can't leave because I have experiments running that need my attention. I spent seven hours at a swim meet yesterday that should have only been three or less. Then the day before I had a coaches meeting that went on for three hours. I think that I've actually over-done myself this time. I am also sick of waiting for interviews. I have been questioning if I am a good applicant or not. If I am meant to go to medical school. If I can even handle medical school. These feelings have also stopped me from finishing my last four applications. Some are due the first of November and I need to finish them quickly, while others are due in the middle of November. I need to hurry and finish those. Everything is crashing down. Why can't this end? When will the madness stop?

I have a project that I should be working on at the moment that is due at eleven tonight, but I have no motivation. I haven't had time to work on it. I just want to go to bed and sleep. I feel like my purpose in life is lost. My passion is lost. I'm just going through the motions to stay afloat.



Abelard Enigma said...

You know what they say - if you want to get something done then give it to a busy person :)

Take care of yourself.

boskers said...

Life is like jogging in the country. Sometimes you have to pass a pig farm. We all know what pig farms smell like. The overpowering stench of decaying food and feces penetrates the olfactory sensors like razor-sharp daggers. Your eyes water, your lungs burn. The life is being choked right out of you. You try holding your breath, but you can only run so far before you are forced to breathe again. You try breathing with your mouth, but you can practically taste the stink. You're in quite a pickle! But you keep on going. Until you've escaped the aggressive foul odor. Then you breathe clean air like you're a baby straight out of the womb. It cleanses and repairs your suffering organs. The sweet country air is your reward for a battle well-fought. Now you know how to really appreciate pure air--something other people normally take for granted. You've been stretched and you're a better person because of it.

Hahaha! Ok, I think I had a little to much fun writing that. :)

Don't worry about losing the passion. Once the stress eases off, it comes back. I know from experience.

And get more sleep! Your body will thank you.

Beck said...

You haven't lost the passion! Of what I personally know of you, you are way too passionate to allow overwhelmed schedules and physical burn-out to get the best of you.

Maybe you have taken on too much right now. Maybe you are too busy. Maybe you do need to scale back. Maybe you have to sacrifice some things. But, don't sacrifice all that you've dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve.

You're almost there!

Hang in there.