Looking At The Past

08 November 2007
My last post has caused a lot on controversy. Someone asked me if I regretted saying what I did. I told him that I was not. It was something that needed to be said. I am now going personal and telling personal experiences that has helped me formulate the theory. I have also listened to other people and their stories too. I am not going to tell their stories because it is not my place.

I was first introduced the MoHo world last year in February. I met my first MoHo that month and then within in month, I met about 10 MoHos. Then I met more and more. There were a few of the MoHos that pushed and pulled at the standards set but most of them were trying to stay strong in the church. There were a couple of people that really pushed me and tried to get me to hook up with them. I was not in the best period of my life then and I did whore myself out to someone. I did not want to do that. I had no intention of ever doing that, but it just happened. I got over whoring myself out and fell in love with someone that I really cared about and who cared about me. Brady and I started to date.

Dating Brady was interesting. We really did not do anything for a couple months. For a long time it was holding hands and snuggling (I do mean that it was a long time). Then after a long while, it went to kissing, but we were still unsure about that. Then we broke up.

For a long time after that, I really wanted another relationship. I had some offers from so people and I did do some NCMOs. I basically became a MoHo whore (something that I am not proud of). Then some things changed in my life. I did not want to do that. It took some time, but I turned back into a MoHo and lost the whore part.

Then I sort of backed out of the MoHo world. I found some straight friends and I started to date more often. I developed into someone new. Then I decided to pop back into the MoHo world. I soon began to be pushed again. I was actually being pushed harder than ever. There were more people who were willing to push and do things. It became harder to stay true. I again fell and became a MoHo whore. This only lasted a little while before I realized what I was doing. I backed out again.

I have been backing in and out of the MoHo world for a while now. The reason for this is because I love all of you dearly but then at the same time I do not want to be put in a compromising situation. I am working on a mission and I cannot slip up any time soon. I am starting my papers really soon and I cannot do anything and I mean ANYTHING!!!!

This is not my only basis for what I have said. I have talked to several friends about this too. One friend has actually told me that he felt like he has become a whore. Then he asked me if becoming a Homo was the next step. As you can see, this is not only my theory! A lot of people are worried about it. I am worried about it too. That is why I decided to be brave and say something. I am making my stand and I am going to say my mind. If you do not like it, I am sorry, but I feel like I need to do this (this is also my blog and I can write what I want to write). I am also not trying to be self-righteous by writing this because as you can see, I have been there and experienced my theory.

PS I got a lot of comments on my last post about how there are still MoHos trying to be living righteous out there and what not. I do believe that and I do support all of you that are trying. My question is what happened to posting? Many people emailed me and said that even though there are people trying to be righteous out there, they have slowed down on posting or they have basically stopped posting altogether. These are just some thoughts...

13 comments:

playasinmar said...

So it's not your theory alone? So what? It's your blog to post what you will. You don't need permission.

Interesting to note that you have tried same-sex relationships though as my post specualted you hadn't.

I haven't the foggiest what this has to do with you dating women. Date women, already! Go be happy!

Kengo Biddles said...

For me personally, I've been taken over by school and work. That's what I can say for myself, anyway.

playasinmar said...

I think I'm coming across as more combative as I'd like.

Look, you tried a same-sex flirtation, it didn't work out/made you feel bad, you moved on to something more in line with your life's objectives.

But not all the gay Mormons want to serve missions so trying to be happy via kissing/dating/gay sex is just part of their journey and not the end of the world.

Hidden said...

He is dating women. So am I. This is not something we are holding up as a requirement to be a "progressing MoHo," that'd be dumb. But it's a conscious CHOICE that we have decided to make.

And Gimple's right about the current lack of posts from people who are trying to stay strong in the church and get closer to God.

Casual is the best word we've found to describe it. Casual. MoHos are becoming too casual in their spirituality and abandoning things that were important when we came into the MoHo community. We feel that's a problem.

Which is why we've mainly disconnected ourselves.

Gimple already stopped going to the Matis'. This last time may very well have been my last. I don't feel right when I know they are opening their home to give us a place to be spiritually strengthened in our testimonies of the church and people are there who go but not for those reasons.

It's far better to be strong and faithful than socially accepted, imo.

"so trying to be happy via kissing/dating/gay sex is just part of their journey and not the end of the world"

While I won't deny that it may be a necessary part of some people's journey, I will also remind everyone that it is NOT in line with the teachings of the gospel of Jesus Christ, and therefore, is problematic to us.

My testimony is incredibly important to me and I will stand by it. I'm not going to rationalize, or justify anymore, I'm going to have the courage -as Gimple has stated- to walk the open path.

Romulus said...

Thank you for this post. I think that people made too many inferences about the last post.

Brady said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
playasinmar said...

They usually end up being attacked when they call their peers whores.

McKenzie said...

Sure, there may have been controversy, but you are within your rights to post what you want on your blog. Freedom of speech, baby. On the flip side, it's just your responsibility to accept the responses that come when you post in a public forum like the Internet.

People do get in a tizzy sometimes -- nobody really LIKES being 'called to repentance', so to speak. No matter what the religion or cause is. Nobody likes to be told that their lifestyle is essentially wicked and wrong, especially when they might be going through a lot of struggle in finding out who they are.

By all means, you can voice your opinion and what's empowered you here. But, as with public blogs, people retaliate. Good luck, man.

Pan said...

Pardon my logic, but if you're so worried about the sudden and recent preponderance of loose morals, why are you using your months-ago self as an example? Yes, things change, you (and apparently Hidden) not least of all, and now you're looking at the world differently. My point? Some of your phylacteries are becoming so big as to cover your eyes, so maybe it's time we all climb down from off our sky-high rameumptoms and go about our own business. If you have a friend about whom your worried, by all means talk with them. But for the sake of sanity, enough of this cyber-Christian zeal and back-handed condemnation.

Therapevo Ydata said...

Pan-
It started out with examples from a couple months ago, but it ended with some recent examples.

I don't like the route the MoHo world has taken. I guess I could just leave but I care about a lot of you and consider most of you, if not all, my friends. I think that you know me well enough that when I see a problem, I usually speak my mind and share my thoughts with others. So that is what I am doing.

This is my blog and I can write whatever I want to write about just like you can write whatever you want to write about. I am not going to tell you what to write about. So if people don't like my blog, they can just stop reading it.

I am also not condemning anyone. I never said specific names of people and I never intend to. I am just speaking my mind and my feelings. That's all. That was never my intention.

Pan said...

I said some strong things up there, and I apologize. That's not to say I don't still view these recent comments as sanctimony, or that I don't think personal communication is a better forum for this topic, but it was unwarranted polemic to compare some of you to Pharisees and Zoramites, and I'm sorry.

And you do have the right to post whatever you want on your blog, and I very well may not read it, but I can disagree when aspersions are cast. The diatribe was obviously inspired by somebody or somebodies (these "recent examples"); there's no use denying it. And I found the attack, especially so public, quite uncalled for.

Abinadi said...

Thanks for sharing personal information and writing these two last posts. Me and a couple of friends have decided to start voicing our opinions because of your willingnes to state what needed to be said! You can't do this alone and always remember that we're here for you man!

Stay strong Ydata!

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