Goodbye

I am going away for awhile. I need an extended break from the world of MoHos for a couple weeks or a month or so. So sorry if you liked my posts and my comments, but this is something I need to do for myself. Goodbye for now...

Sunday School Wisdom

As I sat in Sunday School today, I was very heavily impressed by a lot of the things that were said. Here are some verses that really touched me. It is in Romans 8:35-39.

"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, for thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

God will love us no matter what happens to us, always remember that! He will be there for you in the hardest of times, He has been there for you in the hardest of times, and He is here right now for you. You just have to call upon His holy name and He will help you because He loves you.

The Prayer of My Heart

This is the prayer of my heart.

I want a place where I truly fit in. A place where I do not have to worry about being hurt, afraid, lonely, depressed, made fun of, and sick. A place where I can be myself, love the Lord, have friends, sing songs, go shopping, have happiness in life, stay true to the Lord, be pleased with my life, and get what I need to get done.

I want to have the answers I am seeking (I am not going to go into detail on the questions I have).

I want to have someone who truly understands me and my situation.

I want to be married in the temple to the love of my life and have her wake up in my arms each and every morning.

I want to have children of my own, made from my flesh and blood.

I want to be the best father and husband I can be for my future wife and children.

I want to have spiritual experiences and a strong testimony.

I want to have the courage to do whatever the Lord tells me to do.

I want to practice faith and show my devotion to the Lord.

I want to give the world as much as I can give.

I want to serve and honorable full-time mission.

I want to hold a temple recommend every single day of my life.

I want to be a neurosurgeon.

I want to help loved ones, those who are close to me, and anyone who needs help.

I want to develop my God given talents.

I want to be righteous so that I can fulfill my purpose here in life.

I want to be worthy whenever someone asks me to give them a Priesthood blessing.

I want so much but I have to be willing to give up a lot and show the Lord my true devotion to Him. God never said that life here on earth was going to be easy. He has given me SSA for a reason. I do not know why, but I have some inklings of what it might be. This is the trial of my faith and I hope that I can prove myself worthy to God to gain all that I want.

I want all of you to know that I have a strong testimony of Jesus Christ. I know that the power of the atonement is real. It truly works and you will be forgiven of your sins. I also want you all to know that even though your struggles might seem hard right now, it is worth it in the end. You will have learned so much and you will have grown so much, as long as you stick to the teachings of the Church. I know that I have a special purpose here in life and I know that you all have a special purpose here in life. Do not be afraid to do what you know is right and have faith in God because He will never lead you astray and He will show you your true purpose in life.

For more on my testimony, read my first post...

Shopping

Shopping makes the pain go away and I need to go again because it is back...

I Love It...

I just love it when a perfect day is ruined, NOT!!!!!!

I was having the best day that I have ever had in a long time, but then it was totally ruined.

Life sucks!

Dark Blue

I totally connect with this song.

Dancing Queen & Caitlin

I talked about Dancing Queen in my post about going 80's Dancing. I have had some really good experiences with her and a couple bad, but overall, our relationship seems to be pretty good. We are not officially dating. It is more of an informal dating. It is really sad that I have not seen her in a long time (about 2 weeks). I guess last week was General Conference and she went up to visit her family in SLC and this past weekend, she was working every night and I was working during the day. So, it has been pretty scanty in hanging out/dating her department.

I saw her today, briefly, during class break. We both decided that we are way too busy with midterms, projects, and life in general to go out this weekend. We, however, decided that we are going out/hanging out after midterms. I miss hanging out with her and seeing her smiling face. She brings me so much joy. I like her a lot and I know that she likes me. I wonder if it will go anywhere...

I had an interesting lunch a couple of Saturdays ago between sessions of General Conference with Caitlin. I have not seen Caitlin for about 5 months! It was insane! The last time that I saw her was when I attempted to kiss her (I wish that I would have never made this attempt because we are just really good friends and we already broke up once. Why did I bring it up again? I do not know). We were really great friends we had been in close proximity for 2 months, but we never hung out.

When I went to pick her up for lunch, I was kind of scared that it was going to be kind of awkward since the last time we saw each other is when I tried to kiss her. It, however, was not awkward for me at all! I hope it was not awkward for her at all. We had a good time at Jason's Deli. We sat there talking for 2 hours and we decided that we better leave so we could watch General Conference. I stayed at her place to watch General Conference with her and we both kind of feel asleep a couple of times. Oh well, it happens! I felt like our friendship is still strong and I hope to hang out with her again soon, because I miss hanging out with her. She is pretty much fabulously amazing!

Things are getting better in life and I hope that shopping this weekend is going to cheer me up! I love shopping and Hilary Duff!

New Name

I am really surprised that nobody has asked me about my name change and nobody has asked me about why I changed my name. I guess nobody really asked me about my other name too. So I guess that id does not matter that much.

Well, I thought that some people might like to know, so I am going to tell all of you. My new name Therapevo Ydata means "Healing Waters" in Greek. Why did I choose to be known as "Healing Waters?" Well, it is because I am utterly fascinated with water. Water also has so many properties and it brings back good memories for me. It also reminds me of the waters of baptism (the cleansing and healing within) and the cleansing pools where Christ healed the man waiting for the waters to be moved. With the healing, I want to be a doctor and healing and helping people have always been on my mind. Healing is also very important to me because Christ has many times healed my broken heart and has forgiven me.

I thought that Therapevo Ydata seemed really fitting because of who I am and my testimony of Christ.

It's Your Time...

I have been not in the best moods lately. I have also been listening to Hilary Duff everywhere I go. I just cannot help to love this song and share it with others (I have probably listened to this 20 times in the past week). It is amazing and it has helped me in my hard times. Listen to the lyrics and I hope that it will touch you as it has touched me.

PS It is your time to fly...

Encounter

This is an amazing group and I love this song! Listen to the song and hopefully it will speak to you as much as it speaks to me.

I'm an Alien!

Lately I feel like I am an alien. Whenever I go out, I feel like I am out of place and that I do not belong. I used to go out with these friends all the time and have a good time, but I do not feel like I belong again. Is it because I am moving on? Is it because I am alienating myself from most everyone else and it is just natural for me to be alienated with them too? Is it because I am too young to be hanging out with them? Is it because they do not like me? What is the cause?

I am lost on this, but I do feel like I am from another planet and that I do not fit in anymore. Any advice or hints of the cause?

In other news, I am very sick and depressed. That is all.

Dependent

It is so easy to become dependent on something and this scares me. I have noticed it in friendships, relationships, blogging, gaining acceptance, getting good grades, etc. My list can go on and on and on! I have never noticed this before until my counselor pointed this out to me today.

Why is it so easy to become dependent on something, but so hard to not be dependent on something?

I need to work on having a better balance in my life and not depending on one thing too much.

PS This is my fiftieth post!

LIfe is Like...

Life is like new clothes. When you first buy them, you want to wear them all the time and show them off, because you look hot in them, but as you constantly wear them, you start to get bored with them and crave something more, so you go shopping again and get some new clothes.

What does this have to do with my life? Well, I think that it has to deal with many aspects of my life. I look back at my life and its development. It is unique because of the time period, how you deal with things at that time, and where you are spiritually. As I have recently been looking at my life right now, I have been considering why I feel like I am going nowhere. I found an answer at the Priesthood Session of General Conference.

As I said in an earlier post, the doctrine of always raising the bar hit me really hard. It was kind of like a slap in the face. During the summer, I received some great inspiration and I stuck with that inspiration. I worked on doing what I was supposed to and what God was telling me to do. Then when the school year was about to start and when it started, I was sort of in a funk. Things did not feel the same (my clothes were not so flashy anymore) and I wanted and needed something more.

I soon found out that I needed to raise the bar. I need to do this because I felt spiritually hindered and that I was not going anywhere. I was just stuck in a state of no improvement. I needed to challenge myself spiritually (read scriptures more often, pray more often, etc.) to gain more confidence in myself and God. Thus causing my spiritual growth once again. I will tell you right now that I feel like I am growing again and that I am out the funk that I was in. I am not so depressed and I am slowly getting over a big problem that I am still struggling with.

I now have my new clothes and I am going to wear them as much as I can. I am also going to try to keep them as nice as they can for a while. I now know that they will eventually wear out and that they will need to be replaced with something bigger and better.

Things That I Love

This is just a list of some different things that I love:

1. Swimming, because there is nothing better than pushing yourself to your limits, feeling dead after you do it, and feeling sense of accomplishment.
2. Shopping, because nothing beats good clothes and the new clothes' smell.
3. Singing, because it is ever so much fun to blast music on the stereo and sing-a-long to it.
4. Cooking, because nothing tastes better than a good home cooked meal.
5. Scary Movies, because you get a thrill and a laugh.
6. Chick Flicks, because they make me laugh and the stories are usually magnificent.
7. Final Fantasy X, because it is a good get-a-way for me.
8. Laughing, because having a good laugh always makes you feel better.
9. Meeting New People, because there is always a mystery of how things are going to turn out.
10. Talking to my Parents, because they always know the right things to say and they are usually very supporting.
11. Receiving a Blessing from a Good Friend, because they always seem to know you pretty well and they always know the right things to say.
12. Wearing Good Cologne, because it is always nice to get compliments on how nice you smell.
13. Walking, Swimming, Running, and Biking in the Rain, because it feel so refreshing and it is not something that you can do everyday.
14. Wearing the Color Green, because it is my favorite color and I also look amazing in it!
15. Getting a Big Hug, because it always makes you feel a little bit better.
16. Going Clubbing (Especially 80's Dancing), because it is fun, full of aerobic exercise, friends are there, and you can meet new people.
17. Getting a Good Grade on a Test, because nothing says accomplishment like an "A."
18. Talking with Relatives, because there are so many different memories and things that you can talk about.
19. Having an Annoying Brother, because there is never a dull moment in my house.
20. Having Good Friends, because I know that they care about me and that they like me for me.

Moving On

I have decided that I no longer want to consider myself gay. Frankly, I am not gay because I am not pursuing a gay relationship, I want to marry a woman, I am attracted to men, and I want to stay in the church. These things, in my opinion do not constitute me as gay. I am just a normal person who is struggling with Same-Sex Attraction (SSA). That is all.

I think that it will be helpful for me to consider myself this way from now on...

This Is How I Feel Sometimes...

Name Change

I changed the name of my blog earlier this week and I do not think that anyone has noticed. That is ok, so I thought that I would share why I changed the name from "The Unknown Path" to "The Opened Path."

It was originally named "The Unknown Path" because I was still unsure about what route in life I was going to take. There were a lot of questions in my mind about what was the right thing to do and what I truly want in life.

This past summer, I discovered many answers and found the path that I should be taking. The way opened up before me and certain events in my life started to show me that the path was opening up for me. My life changed, I changed, and something great started to grow inside of me.

As the subtitle of my blog it says, "My path is no longer a mystery. It is before me and open. I just need to have the courage to take it..."

Priesthood Session

I really did not want to go to Priesthood Session, but now I am really glad that I went. The moment that I walked in the Stake Center with my dad, I was overcome by the Spirit. The talks were all very good and were just what I needed to hear.

Elder Perry started it off with a very profound talk on raising the bar. I started to feel during his talk that I have reached a certain level in my life and I have just been sitting there for a while now, probably about a month. I now feel like it is time to raise the bar higher for myself so I can grow and progress some more. By the way, I loved his analogy of his son and high jumping! It was great and really reminded me of swimming.

Elder Perry's talk set the mood for the rest of the night. Other speakers spoke on how to better your life and what to stay away from. I love the analogy of preparing before the earthquake/trial strikes (I do not remember who said this).

The other talk that had a huge effect on me was President Eyering's. It was just amazing! He told us to remember what we had gone through in the past and us that to help us get through what we are going through now. Remember the mercy of God, remember the sacrifice of Jesus, remember what you have accomplished, remember that God has always been there in the past, He is here is right now, and He will always be here for us. It was great!

Wow!

I have been thinking about how many people know who I really am. I really do not have a secret identity anymore and I sometimes feel like I cannot express my thoughts and feelings truthfully anymore because of all of the baggage it contains. I have also noticed that people are getting very snappy and curt in their comments or emails to me. I do not know if this is because they know me or they just want me to stop sharing my opinions.

There is so much that I want to write about, but I cannot because I am afraid to share...