Who Is This Christ?

17 April 2007
I am back everybody! This post is about my life and struggles these past couple of months. It also explains my positions and feelings towards Christ. I share my testimony of Christ at the end of it. I hope you enjoy it and it is good to be back! I should add one more thing ... this was an assignment for religion class and I turned it into today.

Christ has many different meanings and names for different people. Some call him Savior, Redeemer, comforter, or friend. All of these meanings describe some of his attributes and actions. Can we really fully describe Christ and the role he plays in our lives? I do not think so, but we can at least try. Who is this Christ for me? There are not enough words to describe what he is to me and what he has done for me. He is a friend, a comforter, a guide, a coach, and a Savior.

As I have struggle through many hard trials this year, I look back at the role Christ has played in my life. There are many times that Christ has been the only friend that I have had in life. He was always there comforting me through my tears and loneliness. I had a hard time at the beginning of the semester. While working through the repentance process, my bishop suggested that I leave my friends. This was really hard on me. I had to make a completely new set of friends. All the while, I was combating acceptance of my same sex attraction with myself and my parents. Nothing was going right for me. Every single one of the relationships that I had fell apart. I had no one to talk to. The agony was great and I was ready to leave the church. I could not understand why God was making me unhappy in life because of how He made me. I would pray for answers, but they never came. I would cry myself to sleep almost every night wanting a friend and understanding. This did not come at the time. All that I felt was that everything would eventually be alright. Christ comforted me and helped me feel loved. He was my only friend for a long time. At first, I did not recognize it was him. This, however soon changed with a touch of his love that changed my life forever. He gave me a friend and he gave my parents some courage to come and talk to me. By doing this, he showed me his role of friend and comforter in my life.

The night that I found another gay friend here at BYU was one of the best nights of my life. I was desperate for friends and sick of being lonely. One night in January, I decided to give God an ultimatum. He would he either help make my life better or I would leave the church forever. That night I was searching for anyone online who would understand me. I discovered a blog about a BYU student struggling with staying in the church and same sex attraction. From reading his blog, it gave me solace and peace. I emailed him and we started to email back and forth. Eventually, we ended up meeting. This meeting was wonderful and we became best friends quickly. I believe that Christ guided me to his blog and he knew that it would be beneficial for both of us. This was only one part of my life that started to get better there were still a lot to work on.

Despite having a new friend, my parents started to get worse off. They were more accusing in their remarks to me and they started to really hurt me deep down inside. I could not take it anymore. After taking as much as I could, was ready to move out of the house, drop out of BYU, and live a gay lifestyle. I thought that anything would be better than the life I am living now and I was right. Nothing was working for me except between me and my friend. I did not notice, however, that Christ was always there for me. He coached me and instructed me on things that I need to do. He put things in my path that I now see as blessings. His coaching even allowed my parents to open up to me. The night that my parents came and talked to me changed my life. It got me back on track and now I am going to stay in the church. If it was not for his coaching and guidance, I know that I would have probably left the church and I would have made the biggest mistake of my life. Christ is my coach and guide.

Christ is my Savior. What a powerful statement! Last time in class when we talked about the atonement, it was miraculous for me. It reinforced my testimony of the atonement and the need to have a Savior. As I have told you, I did a lot of things that did not put me in good standing with the church. I have been working through the repentance process since the middle of December. Before, I was repenting because I knew that I needed to, but I did not feel bad for what I had done. These feelings, however, soon started to change when my life got better. I started to notice that I did need to repent and that I did feel bad for doing the things that I had done. I worked hard to gain the forgiveness that Christ could give me. It took a while, but I eventually received it and my joy was great. My heart was so full of the love for Christ and his ability to forgive me. Now, I am in good standing with the church and I feel great! Christ is an amazing person whom I am thankful for everyday of my life.

I feel Christ’s love for me all the time and I know that he suffered for me. I know that he knows me. He knows my weaknesses, my struggles, my strengths, my needs, my heart, and my soul. He is my friend, my comforter, my guide, my coach, and my Savior. He is there for me and wants me to succeed in life. There is a special purpose that I have in life and he is preparing me for it. I may not know what it is, but he will show me the way. I know that he lives and loves me. Who is this Christ? He is everything to me!

8 comments:

Brady said...

Yes! I get to be the first person ever to comment on your new blog!

Gimple -
You are amazing! This post really shows where you are at right now and what you've done to get here. Your testimony is strong and evident. The atonement is amazing, especially when you have firsthand experience with it. And I'm glad you've been able to find friends and people to help you along your way - it's impossible to do it on your own.

I was impressed by the way you correlated having these friends to Christ as a coach and a guide. I guess I hadn't thought of it quite like that before. Some of these amazing people I've met from the blogosphere are sent from God to help me with these specific trials.

By the way, you are really brave to share all this with your professor. It's nice to have professors who are understanding and inspiring. You have probably opened his eyes to a lot of stuff as well.

-L- said...

I like posts that focus on Christ. I get away from it so often, it's nice to be reminded. Thanks for sharing. :-)

Stephen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephen said...

I'm happy that everything is working out for you. It's amazing the power of the Lord to make even the worst situations better. I can relate to how you must have felt, ready to leave the church and BYU and go live a gay lifestyle, but I'm really, really glad that you didn't do all that.

salad said...

I love you! I'm so glad that we've gotten to be friends and that you make us giant pop-tarts! You are one super amazing person and I look forward to many more gatherings that include you--especially the great party you're planning ;)

playasinmar said...

Blogger welcomes you and your testimony with open arms. :)

MoHoHawaii said...

I'm so glad you were able to talk about your SSA in an assignment for a BYU religion class. Wow!

Times are definitely changing.

Best of luck to you.

The Jet said...

Yay! Welcome back to Blogger-Land! I'm excited to hear that my blog rocks. Also, I'm interested to hear more about these giant pop-tarts.