Pure Love

05 June 2007
I was going to write about my six experiences of getting hit on by gay men (before I was out and before I officially decided that I was gay), but I think that I want to share it another time. There has been something more pertinent on my mind. It is something that is deep inside and it seems to never go away. I do not know if anyone has felt like this before, but I know that I have. It is something stronger than anything that I have ever felt before in my life. It is a true and pure love for my friends. I think I somewhat know how Christ feels towards all of us, but there is no possible way that I could ever compare my love for others to His love for others.

As some of you know, I broke down on last Tuesday night. I totally freaked out and basically fell really far from where I was. If I did not have my amazing friends to lift me up, I really do not know where I would be. God has blessed me with wonderful people whom I love a lot and who love me a lot! Calvin, Salad, Drex, Hidden, Romulus, Brady, Caitlin, EvadingOdd (or just Odd now), Danish Boy, and many others, you are all amazing! You brought me up when Satan was kicking me down. You helped mend my bruised and broken heart, soul, and body. I cannot express my gratitude for you and I just want you to know that it is on the deepest level. This is where I come to my understanding pure love.

We all hear from the scriptures that Charity is the pure love of Christ and many other things about Christ's pure love for us. What exactly is pure love? My definition of pure love is a love with no conditions upon which it is predicated. You love someone because you genuinely care for their welfare and you want to help the succeed. Pure love is also never wanting to do something to hurt someone and bring them down. Pure love is the highest level of love and it is something that we all need to work on having more of. Now, back to my experiences.

I always felt like I had some sort of pure love because the way I feel for Logan, but I have never understood it as much as I do now. During my break down, I asked Calvin and Drex to give me a blessing. Let me just say that it was just what I needed and it was perfect! Thanks guys! Thanks Salad for writing it down because I read it every morning when I wake up. In the blessing was said some wonderful things about me and my friends (they are much to sacred for me to share) and this has helped me realize the love I have for my friends.

When I first jumped into the MoHo world, I was really scared that they were going to expect me to do things with them or they were just looking to hook up. I soon found that it was the complete opposite. I then became nervous and wondered if from my prior experiences if I would do somethings that would harm them or cause them problems. I found this also to be false. All of you are genuinely great people and I love all y'all! I would never want to do anything to harm you and I would much rather be friends with all of you rather than date and have sex with you. I have found that a lot of my homosexual desires have decreased when I am with you rather than increase. Do not get me wrong, I am still gay, but it seems easier not to worry about doing anything wrong with all y'all. It is great!

This is where I get my pure love for all of you. I see the amazing people you all are. I see that each of you has a divine purpose here in life and I would never want to harm you from achieving that divine purpose (that would be really selfish of me). Even when I am attracted to a MoHo and we become really good friends, my pure love comes from deep inside of me and prevents me from pushing or going along with pressures to do anything. It is deep inside and something that will never go away. I see how I influence all y'all and I see how you influence me. I would have it no other way.

Sometimes I wonder if this is a little slice of heaven for me. I think that it might be because I have great friends who care about me and whom I care about, the love we have for each other, the great times we have together (despite all of our trials), and the growth that we have together. It is wonderful!


playasinmar said...

We love you! You bring happiness and speedos to us all. :)

drex said...

You're amazing. :D Seriously. I'm so glad you're who you are, and so amazed that you consider me friend material. And grateful for the opportunity you gave me to help.

Thanks for being awesome! =D