Physical Attraction

18 July 2008
One opinion of homosexuality that I have had over the years has started to change drastically as I have experienced life and talked with friends. I remember me saying that my attractions are so much more than physical and that I do not really understand why people are so caught up in the physical. I have discovered that I was lying to myself and to others and that others are lying to themselves too.

I hear people say all the time that their attractions and homosexuality in general is so much more than physical and that the deeper level of attractions (emotional, character, etc.) are what define who they are attracted to. If this was true, then it would be easy to marry a woman and we would not have to worry too much about having physical attraction problems in that marriage. It is easy to find a woman attractive in many different levels, at least for me it is. So why do we not marry a woman? The answer is simple than most people think--physical attractions play a greater role than emotional. That is why most MoHos are afraid to get close to women and start a relationship with them. They know that physical has a huge role, but then they lie to themselves in situations that involve men.

Physical attractions are what usually begin the interest in someone and start the infamous crush. A crush usually causes people to get to know each other or at least want to get to know each other. As the relationship develops, emotional attractions and deeper level attractions start to form. When these start to form, people start to throw out physical attractions. The problem with doing that is that people are lying to themselves. The physical is still there very strongly. The physical is what makes you want to cuddle, kiss, hug, and have sex with the person you are crushing on or in love with. If it is not there, we would not want to do any of those things with someone.


Abelard Enigma said...

I don't agree that physical attraction is a necessary component in a marriage relationship. Look around, there are a lot of men and women who certainly wouldn't win any beauty contests, yet they are getting married. If physical attraction was what got relationships started with emotional attachment following then there would be a lot of lonely homely people out there and all of the attractive ones would all be paired up. Yet, we find a lot of lonely attractive people and a lot of homely happily married people.

Humans are very complex creatures - and there are many types of attractions that compel us to want to get to know someone better. Physical attraction is just one form of attraction. But, we can also be attracted to a person's intelligence, their compassion towards others, their hobbies and interests, shared likes and dislikes, how they smell, how they speak and laugh, etc.

I think we need to recognize physical attraction for what it is - a physiological reaction which we have little or no control over. I also think there is no harm in doing a little window shopping once in a while :) Like I told my kids when they were younger: "Look with your eyes, and not with your hands."

Kengo Biddles said...

What you've described is the everyday human attraction/falling in love.

And you're not wrong.

Doing it the other way around, when there isn't the strong physical attraction takes a lot of work, and isn't always easy.

I'm not saying that I'm not attracted to Miki, but my attraction to her has definitely grown over time.

Kengo Biddles said...

Abe, to comment on the first part of your post, I'll agree that there are men married to women who you don't find attractive, but who's to say that they don't find them attractive?

Abelard Enigma said...

My point was that their attraction towards one another may not be physical - attraction comes in many forms.

Michael said...

I agree with your post. I think physical attraction is what gets most all relationships started (which is why dating girls is so hard). Also, as long as you have the desire to have physical intimacy with someone you are physically attracted to them. There's almost no such thing as a pure NCMO with no feelings behind it at all.

And while physical attractions get superseded with other attractions - the physical is pretty much always still there as long as there is physical intimacy involved.