Being Honest

05 May 2008
This is in response to a comment Molly Sue left on one of my recent blogs.

I have for a very long time decided to not call my attractions my struggle. They are a part of me and they make me the person that I am. My attractions are as part of me as my eyes are green, my hair is dirty blond, and my love for swimming. In fact, I do not struggle with them and have not done so for almost a year. That is when I started to fully accept myself and live my life to the fullest. God gave me attractions to men for a reason and if I hate and struggle with these attractions, I hate and struggle with God. I do not and cannot understand why, but I believe it is for a certain reason.

I have actually been out for a very long time and that is why I decided to start using my real name and picture. I have told numerous friends and some have been supportive and some have not. I am finally comfortable enough to not hide anything anymore. I used to be a little bit more conservative around certain people, but not anymore. I still will not make certain comments that totally out me, but I am much more open and honest than I have ever been. I am fine with this too. I actually really enjoy it. I enjoy the conversations I have with friends and family about the topic and I love enlightening them on the topic. Being out is wonderful! :)

About the term SSA, I use it more often than not because I do not like calling myself gay. I guess I could use the term homosexual (I sometimes use that). I feel that labeling myself as gay or a homosexual is too defining. I define myself as Sean. My attractions only make up a small part of who I am and if I use those terms too many stereotypes pop in people's minds and it can hurt relationships. I have had this happen before. It also seems better to not set up definitions for yourself because they can consume you and then you have problems with getting out of those definitions. I have had problems with that before and I have seen others struggle with the same problem. Those are the main reasons why I use SSA and define myself as Sean.


Kengo Biddles said...

If the definitions don't consume you, people will try to force you into the box, too, and they can't think of you without the connotation of the definition you've set around yourself. That sux, too.

Molly Sue said...

I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE IT!!! I LOVE IT!!! First, I struggle with "terms" that define people. My "kids" are not gay, or SSA, or homosexual...they are beautiful humans who want to find humans to couple with and share their lives with. They just happen to be physically, emotionally and psychologically attracted to the same sex. Second, You can't even know what admiration I have for you. I get it, I KNOW what it is to be Mormon and also be "other". And what a struggle it is to reveal who you are to that crowd we are surrounded by in, friends, other Mormons.

Sean, you are awesome. It's people like you that inspire me, that make me feel I need to hurry and finish school so that I can be a therapist for gay (LGBTQ) mormon youth. Lots of Mormon therapists, lots of therapists for gay youth, not a lot out there who are willing to encourage kids to be open and honest about orientation while trying to stay nuetral (me being nuetral on the religion while they decide for themselves) on the religious thing. I want to be that.

Kudos! Oh, and I love that you are a too! 100 Breast, 200 IM, 4X100 Relay, and occasionally 100 Butterfly (I hated that one though)

A CROW'S VIEW said...

Sean the last paragraph says all you need to say. Kudos.

As for the difference between struggles and who we are. You know sometimes they can be one in the same. I mean hay I admit I'm fat!

LOL! I know its who I am, well perhaps its a condition or state, but I can control it to an extent and choose to exercise and diet, which I do. But some of it is genetics. But I hope people don't see me and my size as who I am. I know that a lot of people do. In some ways I think its the same.

Its not fair. No. But I can let it effect my personally. I can let it control the way I act and what I do. But I don't. At least I hope I don't.

So I do my best. I think you are doing your best to. I do think you are a good example of this.

Chase said...

God gave me attractions to men for a reason and if I hate and struggle with these attractions, I hate and struggle with God.
Hmm my institute instructor believes that homosexuality had to be a result in some form of how you were raised. He will not believe that it is possible people would be born this way. Because that would me God is "giving" people an attraction that insures the denial of... well Celestial glory. God himself would be denying His child one of the cornerstones of "His" own church.

About SSA i still say it makes it sound so sterile. Like a sickness: HIV, ADHD. I just think hmmm I hope they are looking into a cure. It isnt a sickness it is queerness. :) I hope everything is going swell for you.

-J- said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
-J- said...

Sean, I am grateful for you and for what you have written. You are absolutely correct. To define yourself as anything less than the wonderful human being and son of God that you are would be tantamount to robbing you of all your raw spiritual beauty. You and I and many other have been given these feelings to live with. To pretend they are not there or to hate one part of oneself will not result in any lasting peace, just as defining oneself by such feelings and focusing on them as the core matrix of the soul is to deny all else that you are. You are wonderful, never let go of that.

A CROW'S VIEW said...

I would define him as pretty darn amazing.

robert said...

"Hmm my institute instructor believes that homosexuality had to be a result in some form of how you were raised."

Who are these people??? What is their education? These "instructors" are dangerous in their "beliefs".