Angsty

19 May 2008
I feeling angsty right now. I know that's not a real word, but I am using it to make it fit. I guess I could say that I have much angst right now, but I definitely like angsty better. Sorry for the random conversation with myself there for a moment.

There is a lot on my mind--the future. Before I found out that I was not going to be able to go on a mission, my life was sort of planned out. I would go on a mission and then finish my remaining two years of school. I would then go to medical school and become a neurosurgeon. Minus the mission part, not too much has changed, but the future that I thought I had a couple of years to set in stone is here now! I need to start figuring out the best way going about getting into medical school. I know I need to start doing research and I also need to finish my Pre-med requirements along with my Biochemistry major. I might have to start taking more classes than I am and have more stress in my life because I am essentially double majoring. Time to start cracking the whip.

I am also receiving angst from friends. Do not get me wrong, I love my friends dearly and I love doing things with them, but I want to have a friend my age and who has not gone on a mission as a close friend. I know this is a stupid request, but I hate hearing about other people's missions and their experiences from them. I used to think that they were great inspiration. Now, I feel like they are a slap in the face telling me that I did not go and have amazing experiences like they had. Maybe another guy my age would do me justice and get rid of this angst. I only have older guy friends and they are going to be leaving within the next year. It would be nice to have someone here who is going to stay with me.

Sorry that this post kind of sounds whiny but this is how I am feeling right now. It also makes me sound like I am afraid of the future when I am not. I am really excited to get on with my life and become a doctor. It is just sooner here then I thought it would be. I guess I am also angsty over the thought of considering marriage. It is something that is now a green light and something I have to consider. It will be interesting to see how this angst plays out.

4 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

You can dwell on the angst, or take this as a time to redraw your plans for the future. And any closed minded person that thinks you're less worthy because you didn't serve a mission should be told how wrong they are to be that way.

I think you'll be okay. I promise not to tell mission stories. ;)

Chedner said...

Now, I feel like they are a slap in the face telling me that I did not go and have amazing experiences like they had.

Don't think that you won't have equally amazing experiences that will be brought to pass from your not being able to serve a mission. In the Mormon belief system, things like this happen for a reason... I say trust God is preparing something equally important for you to do in lieu of a traditional mission.

Leslie Elaine said...

I would hope that you don't take mission stories as a slap in the face because honestly, most people that served missions have a terrible time but the few amazing experiences make up for all the rejection. The Lord knows your heart's desire and knows that you wanted to serve and though he hasn't called you as a missionary, doesn't mean he isn't blessing you and that he has something greater for you in mind.

Ha, I am excited for your future. I'll live vicariously through you so I don't have to plan mine :P

A CROW'S VIEW said...

Sean, you and I both know that you already have done and will continue to have amazing experiences with all the people and lives you touch. So RIGHT NOW you can't serve. Again, I'd say don't close that door. Now isn't the right time for some reason. Move forward and stay focused on your goals. If another chance comes and you can do it then do it. But now that you know that right now isn't going to happen move on. You aren't the type that I would think gets angsty. You seem like the type that tells others to pull their heads out when they do. LOL! And even if you never formaly serve I know you have touched and helped so many people. So just move on.

You are an awesome person and I know there are lots of people who need your love, kindness, compassion and healing spirit. You will make an awesome doctor or whatever you choose to be.

Mission stories are over rated anyways.