Roommates = SSGs

27 May 2007
I have been wanting to write a blog about my roommates for a long time. They are a very interesting bunch. Three of them are brothers from a podunk town in Arkansas and the other is from South Carolina. Did I mention that they are all homophobes? They are quite full of themselves and they think that they are the coolest, hottest, and manliest men in King Henry. I am going to share a few experiences with you that will keep you laughing for days!

The first one comes from my second day living in the apartment. I was going to go out with Caitlin before she left to go home. As I was getting ready, he asked me what I was getting ready for. I told him that I had a date with someone. He then tells me that I should never bring women over to the house because he tends to steal them away. Then he and that girl soon hooks up and the girl never thinks about you again. She rather has him on her mind all the time. I was just sitting there listening and yeah right. You probably never get women because in my opinion, he is not cute at all! After I came home, he asked me why I did not bring her home. I think he wanted to show me his mad skills at "catching" women in his snare.

Another time comes from that same roommate. He brought over a girl and they were going to watch a movie. In the meantime, I was making dinner for myself. He started talking about how he thinks some men have good features and that he was not gay for thinking that. He went off on a lengthy explanation about it and the whole time the girl was rolling her eyes. I could just tell that she wanted to get out of the house. This has happened multiple times. I feel sorry for the girls, but then I sometimes wonder why they get themselves into that situation.

Here is another good one and I think that it will be my last one. The second week of us living together. A lot of the guys wanted to have a competition to see who could get the most numbers this summer. I thought that I was definitely going to lose because that is not what I am really looking for. As it has turned out, I have made some pretty good friends that are girls in my classes and I have gotten all of their phone numbers. I have a total of six right now. I think my roommates only have two combined. They totally think that I am amazing. I am not amazing. I am just being myself and I know how to talk to women, unlike them (as can be witnessed from the earlier story). I think that it is funny how one of them has asked me advice on how to approach and talk to women. I could not stop laughing when he did. If only he knew that I was gay...

Those are just a few stories about my SSGs roommates. They are interesting and for some reason, they end up talking about gay people an awful lot. Then they have to prove that they are not gay by doing stupid things. One last thing, who likes roommates that walk around with their shirts off all the time and who are not cute? Not me...

7 comments:

Abelard Enigma said...

They totally think that I am amazing.

You know what they say: All the good ones are either married or gay - some of us are both :)

Stephen said...

If they walked around shirtless and were cute, it wouldn't be that bad. But yeah, they sound like textbook SSGs.

Abelard Enigma said...

Uh, I forgot to ask last night, what is SSG? (pardon my oldness)

Gimple said...

Abelard, it is totally true! All of the good ones are either gay or married. You are totally lucky to be both! ;) An SSG is aka Stupid Straight Guy. I hope that clears things up.

Stephen, they are definitely textbook SSGs! They drive me insane sometimes. It's fun to pretend to be straight though, well not all the time.

Sean said...

I'm dying of laughter over this one. they are definately ssg. and i whole heartily agree with abe - some of us are both! i love it.

good luck with them. it can be a project for you. kinda like a "closeted queer eye for the ssg roommates". you can probably influence them for some good. just think you're going to be helping some poor woman in the future by fixing them now.

Hidden said...

To Enigma:

Um hello?! Why do you think some of us are gay? So we can get good ones too! Duh!

~Hidden

Stephalumpagus said...

As a straight girl, I would like to inform you all that you shouldn't be surprised at your mad-crazy women-wooing skills. Most girls find gay men very attractive simply because they AREN'T SSG's.

"I feel sorry for the girls, but then I sometimes wonder why they get themselves into that situation."

Ahem. Some of us are just looking for ANYONE to be attracted to us. ;) And since none of the hot gay ones are, situations like these arise. Stupid Catch 22.