Cuddling and Snuggling: Yea or Nay?

26 May 2007
This has been a topic that I have heard a lot of opinions on. I thought that I would throw it out to the blogging world to get even more opinions and thoughts. Is cuddling and snuggling ok? There have been many times in the past couple of months that I would have liked to snuggle with some of my good friends. I, however, was afraid because I did not know how they felt about the topic (I have talked to most of them now) and how others who were with us would take it. The snuggling and cuddling would not mean anything (sexual, boyfriends, etc.), but rather just friends holding each other. We see straight guys cuddling and snuggling with girls all the time, but we cannot cuddle and snuggle because it socially unacceptable and some people would argue against church standards. Is there something inherently wrong with wanting to be close to a good friend? I personally really like to cuddle and snuggle because it makes me feel even closer to my friends and I feel safe and comforted in their arms. Is that bad?

21 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

The problem that arises from snuggling other Mohos is that you both know about each other, and it's really hard to keep the hormones in check. One of my friends has had that problem, so keep that piece of advice in mind.

Brady said...

Wanting to snuggle is not bad. Wanting to snuggle with another guy that you are attracted to is dangerous though. You're right in that guys and girls snuggle all the time - but it's usually those who are dating and/or married/engaged, etc.

Very rarely do you see two girls "snuggling." Yes, you will see girls get a lot closer to each other and be more 'touchy feely' with each other, but I would hesitate to call it snuggling. I do, however, lament the fact that guys can't be more comfortable with each other in the same way.

Although I don't see any way to separate snuggling and cuddling from basically saying, "yeah, I like you in that way," I must confess that I'm a supporter of it. I think it might be a sketchy activity with BYU standards (possibly condoning gay behavior) but I still enjoy it. I think that it is a good way to express love for someone without totally breaking the law of chastity. But KB's right too, it could easily lead to other things (especially with MoHo's who like each other). So be careful.

Brady said...

BTW, I know you didn't even mention in your post about two girls snuggling. Somehow when I read your post it made me think about that though, and for some reason I mentally associated it with your post and thought you'd said it. I'm so spacey sometimes! So I guess it was just a useless digression, take it for what it's worth....

John said...

Hmmm... wouldn't you love it if they said it was okay?!? That would be the day. But in the mean time, the only statement I've got on it is from the honor code about inappropriate behavior, which is defined as: "all forms of physical intimacy that give expression to homosexual feelings." I'm sure you could debate whether cuddling is ruled out by this statement (it would be a useless debate though). Personally, I don't think I could cuddle with another moho. I probably wouldn't be able to control myself. And even if YOU could, what about the other person? You wouldn't be able to tell if they could handle it.

But this is coming from a person who is a lot less touchy-feely. I'm not even comfortable initiating hugs with other mohos... as evidenced last night when I shook Max's hand. I'm such a weird-o.

PS... Although I usually don't initiate hugs, I am fine with people hugging me. So don't be shy... step right up :P)

Gimple said...

John and Kengo, you bring up some valid points, but what if we talked about it and said if we feel anything else besides just friendship to stop immediately. Then I guess someone could not say something and that would be bad. Hmmm, this is a dilemma. What to do, what to do?

playasinmar said...

I say just snuggle. We have enough problems. Why add fear of intimacy to the list?

Abelard Enigma said...

I'm not sure what to say here. Personally, I don't see a problem with two guys snuggling. Unfortunately, it's not acceptable in our culture (and certainly not acceptable in our church culture). Therefore, you are forced to do it in private. But, doing so in private subjects you to the temptations to take it further than you intended (which kengo biddles cautioned about).

A heterosexual couple in the same situation would also be subject to the same temptations. That is why our church leaders caution against being alone too much and to date in groups.

Beck said...

I'm a huge fan of snuggling and cuddling! Fortunately, I learned the art of doing it in a much more friendly and open European culture. And I've snuggled and cuddled many a guy in THIS closed and fearful American Mormon culture, too.

That having been said, I've found being yourself is the key. If you are touchy feely, then go for it! You can't share yourself in a friendship if you're constantly not being yourself and worrying about such things. But, do it in the open! Do it with the gang. Do it at Church. Do it with others around, not alone... it helps to keep proper perspective.

Max Power said...

Well, I am the touchy-feely type, and I hate not be able to put my arm around someone, or touch their arm or shoulder while we're talking, etc. I was a little distraught last night when I wanted to just give a friendly, brotherly, desexualized hug to John when he was leaving to go home, and he stuck his hand out for a handshake.

I like touchy-feely, so I would be a proponent of the cuddling thing, but I do agree with it needing to be done with the certainty of no temptation. That could be disastrous.

Maybe you all should start a cuddle club up in Provo - then I for sure would come visit. :P

And, I might add, if everyone just transferred to a different school, there wouldn't be a problem with honor code violations. XD

playasinmar said...

If it brings Max to Utah, I second the vote for the Cuddle Vlub.

Gimple said...

Max, I wouldn't mind a cuddling club, but I don't know how many people would join us. Maybe I should get a count.

I'm glad that others feel the same way as I do! Cuddling is the best!

-L- said...

Cuddling is awesome. And having cuddled both guys and girls, I think I found cuddling with guys to be erotic, and I think that's a bad thing. Cuddling with my wife can be erotic too, and it would be nice if it were the only cuddling experience I've had, but oh well.

Stephen said...

I think it's normal to want to cuddle. I'll even take that one step further and say I think it's normal to cuddle. I see no reason why consensual, non-sexual cuddling among friends who understand that it is non-sexual and purely friendly should create enough problems to make you want to avoid it.

playasinmar said...

I really thought more folks 'round these parts would fear The Hug.

dexterdigsantigone said...

Just a thought...
Christ was tempted in every manner, and he never sinned. How did he do it? If he struggled with same sex attraction would he have cuddled with another man?

1 Thessalonians 5:19-24
Quench not the Spirit.
Despise not prophesyings.
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
Abstain from all appearance of evil.
And the very God of peace sanctify you wholly; and I pray God your whole spirit and soul and body be preserved blameless unto the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.
Faithful is he that calleth you, who also will do it.

Mormon 9:28
Be wise in the days of your probation; strip yourselves of all uncleanness; ask not, that ye may consume it on your lusts, but ask with a firmness unshaken, that ye will yield to no temptation, but that ye will serve the true and living God.

Jacob 6:12
O be wise; what can I say more?

playasinmar said...

I'll add, "Be smart. Don't do dumb things."

Optic said...

Maybe a year too late?

I think cuddling should just be for those you are close too. I don't mean a good friend or other friend I mean a boyfriend or girlfriend. The only person that is going to be okay with cuddling is someone gay or someone whose goal is to get close to as many girls as they can. I feel it's wrong to do this and can be leading the guy or girl on. This has happened to mean too many times. Flirts seem to do it a lot and fine nothing wrong with it. But if you don't have sex and you're cuddling with just a friend. What else do you have to look for that may be special for your boyfriend or girlfriend? Kissing or making out is kind of it.

vikki012 said...

i want to know if its ok to cuddle with a friend....if you have a boyfriend. not really interested in this friend, but me and my boyfriend are apart for long periods and its just nice to have a guy hold you or play with your hair or anything. i dont tell my boyfreind but maybe thats a sign that its not ok? but really im not attracted to this other guy! just friends! for 5 years just friends! nothing more!

finn_euphoria said...

I haven't been reading the comments so I am just replying to the blog, but I cuddle with my best friend (who is also a girl) all the time. We have no sexual feelings for each other, we just like feeling close to each other. I think as long as you are clear about your intentions it is okay!

Shelly Ru & Tigger Too! said...

I totally think you rock! I'm actually finn_euphoria's friend, and it's very understood between the two of us that this is not sexual at all. We just like being close to one another. We both understand very clearly that we are only friends, and only think of each other as such. We intend to get married to great guys (hey, speaking of which, you should look me up sometime, I'm always good with a guy who's good with snuggling ;) ) I actually didn't read many of the comments either, so I'm only replying to the blog, but I really think it's all right. My friend and I are both active, faithful members of the Church, and both strive to do our best with the Lord. My answer? Yea!

Israel27 said...

I enjoy cuddling with my close friends in a non sexual way.