My Life Story

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way..."

-Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

This is the way that my life has always been. I do not see it getting any different.

Roommates = SSGs

I have been wanting to write a blog about my roommates for a long time. They are a very interesting bunch. Three of them are brothers from a podunk town in Arkansas and the other is from South Carolina. Did I mention that they are all homophobes? They are quite full of themselves and they think that they are the coolest, hottest, and manliest men in King Henry. I am going to share a few experiences with you that will keep you laughing for days!

The first one comes from my second day living in the apartment. I was going to go out with Caitlin before she left to go home. As I was getting ready, he asked me what I was getting ready for. I told him that I had a date with someone. He then tells me that I should never bring women over to the house because he tends to steal them away. Then he and that girl soon hooks up and the girl never thinks about you again. She rather has him on her mind all the time. I was just sitting there listening and yeah right. You probably never get women because in my opinion, he is not cute at all! After I came home, he asked me why I did not bring her home. I think he wanted to show me his mad skills at "catching" women in his snare.

Another time comes from that same roommate. He brought over a girl and they were going to watch a movie. In the meantime, I was making dinner for myself. He started talking about how he thinks some men have good features and that he was not gay for thinking that. He went off on a lengthy explanation about it and the whole time the girl was rolling her eyes. I could just tell that she wanted to get out of the house. This has happened multiple times. I feel sorry for the girls, but then I sometimes wonder why they get themselves into that situation.

Here is another good one and I think that it will be my last one. The second week of us living together. A lot of the guys wanted to have a competition to see who could get the most numbers this summer. I thought that I was definitely going to lose because that is not what I am really looking for. As it has turned out, I have made some pretty good friends that are girls in my classes and I have gotten all of their phone numbers. I have a total of six right now. I think my roommates only have two combined. They totally think that I am amazing. I am not amazing. I am just being myself and I know how to talk to women, unlike them (as can be witnessed from the earlier story). I think that it is funny how one of them has asked me advice on how to approach and talk to women. I could not stop laughing when he did. If only he knew that I was gay...

Those are just a few stories about my SSGs roommates. They are interesting and for some reason, they end up talking about gay people an awful lot. Then they have to prove that they are not gay by doing stupid things. One last thing, who likes roommates that walk around with their shirts off all the time and who are not cute? Not me...

Cuddling and Snuggling: Yea or Nay?

This has been a topic that I have heard a lot of opinions on. I thought that I would throw it out to the blogging world to get even more opinions and thoughts. Is cuddling and snuggling ok? There have been many times in the past couple of months that I would have liked to snuggle with some of my good friends. I, however, was afraid because I did not know how they felt about the topic (I have talked to most of them now) and how others who were with us would take it. The snuggling and cuddling would not mean anything (sexual, boyfriends, etc.), but rather just friends holding each other. We see straight guys cuddling and snuggling with girls all the time, but we cannot cuddle and snuggle because it socially unacceptable and some people would argue against church standards. Is there something inherently wrong with wanting to be close to a good friend? I personally really like to cuddle and snuggle because it makes me feel even closer to my friends and I feel safe and comforted in their arms. Is that bad?

Meeting Others

I am so giddy today and I have just discovered why. Danish Boy is coming to meet me at Poco Loco Swim Shop today to buy a speedo (everyone should get one) so he can become a full-fledged swimmer! He asked me to help him with improving his swimming so we have chatted online and then he emailed me today saying that he was coming in to buy a suit! Whoot whoot! I am really excited! It is always exciting to meet new people who you know that you are probably going to connect with immediately. I am hoping that we will become good friends like almost everyone that I have met in the MoHo world! Hooray for being gay and for meeting new friends!

Hmmm, I wonder if he is cute... hahaha!

P.S. If anyone wants to get into swimming, I can help you get started, but it is up to you to stay with it! :)

Speedos

This is just a fun post that has a good message. I personally think that every man, whether he is straight or gay, should own a speedo. Some of you may be thinking that it is because I only want to check out other guy's goods, but it is not the case. In my opinion, speedos are much more flattering than board shorts and they are much more comfortable (when you swim in one it feels like you are not wearing a suit) and they can be used for multiple purposes (swimming for exercise and fun). Besides their multiple uses and comfort, I think that main reason is because our society has too much taboo on the human body and the way it looks. We have to cover everything up to feel ok about our bodies. Speedos help you get out of your personal bubble of worrying about how your body looks compared to everyone else and they help you really not care what others think about you (at least this is what happened for me). I personally think that we should all be more comfortable with ourselves. God made us who we are for a reason. We are supposed to look the way we do and we are supposed to be the way that we are. I hope that one day all of us can break out of the mold of caring about what others think of us and be able to be comfortable with who we are, whether it be our body, sexuality, feelings, and dreams. We are all human beings divinely made by God and we should be proud of who we are!

I'm Cursed!

I have decided that I am definitely cursed. I try to follow my heart and do what I think is right, but this always turns into hurting my friends one way or another. I cannot please my friends and I cannot please myself without hurting someone. What am I supposed to do? I have also been cursed with the trouble of making friends. Coupled with the fact that I chase most of my friends away equates into the lack of friends. If you consider yourself my friend right now, I hope that I do not do anything that might potentially harm our friendship. To all of those whose friendships I some how managed to ruin, I am truly sorry. I wish that I would have done some things differently. I am cursed!

FHE, Parents, and Michael Jackson ... oh my!

As you can probably tell from the title, it was one of those weeks that are amazing! This week has been insane, inspiring, and unique. I guess I will start with FHE with the Matis’.

I went to the Matis’ FHE with Calvin and Hidden. FHE was really good and that is probably an understatement. Brother Millet was so inspiring and he helped gain a new perspective on life. One thing that he said had a profound effect on me. He said that God expects us to aim in the direction of his goals for us. We will most likely never hit the bull’s eye, but that does not matter. The only thing that matters is that we are aiming in the right direction. This affirmed the idea in my mind that as long as we are trying, God will bless and help us try to get closer to the bull’s eye. He also said some other things that helped me see the gospel as individualistic, yet at the same time having some constrictions. This idea was more affirmed in my mind when I talked to my mom about what Brother Millet said.

During Brother Millet’s presentation, I felt the Spirit very strongly and an extreme love that my parents have for me. When I felt this, I started to cry. I also felt like I should go talk to my mom. I dropped Calvin and Hidden off and I went to talk to my mom. I she getting ready for bed and she could tell that I had been crying. She thought that something was really wrong, which was true. I have been having a hard time with life. We talked about love, girlfriends, boyfriends, struggles, trials, etc. It was a really good talk. She has opened up a lot and she understood my points. She told me that she felt that God is with me that everything will be alright.

This idea was also expressed the next day in a blessing from my dad. I thought it was going to be a completely different blessing. I thought that it was going to bless me to stay strong and true and to be faithful and full of hope. To my surprise, I was not blessed with any of these things. I was told to focus on school and staying close to God. Then I was told that everything will work out. God is watching out for me and he wants me to succeed!

After Monday and Tuesday, nothing exciting happened until last night. Last night Calvin, Hidden, and I went swimming, to an 80’s dance, and then swimming again. It was such a fun night! Hidden was dressed up as Michael Jackson and Calvin and I had clashing pink shirts. It was an amazing dance! I met a lot of Hidden’s friend and we wanted to go swimming again, so we went! We got kicked out of my pool so started pool hopping. In another pool, we decided to play truth or truth (Calvin’s idea) and it was funny. I felt kind of bad because I had to lie about my first kiss. My first kiss was with a guy and I could not tell all of my new friends that I was gay! I guess it probably does not matter if they know. This week was so good (well at least the beginning and the end of it)!

Kiss Attempt #1: Failed!

On Tuesday, I took Caitlin out of a date before she went home to Connecticut. I have really liked her for a long time and we used to be boyfriend and girlfriend (we broke up when I told her that I was gay). Anyways, I wanted to kiss her really bad before she left, so I tried. I, however, failed. I am not going to go into details and all you need to know is that I failed. Caitlin did say to me that next Fall we can give it a try! :)

Hope is not lost, at least I don't think so...

When Something Goes Wrong...

Has anyone else noticed that when something goes wrong, everything goes wrong? I am definitely noticing it today and it is painful! I am not going to go into detail on the subjects leading me up to these feelings, but I will list them.

1. Attempting to kiss Caitlin last night ... did not happen
2. Many of my closest friends are now at home
3. Not getting a good night's sleep
4. Waking up late
5. Rushing getting ready and eating breakfast
6. Barely making it to class on time forgetting that we had to dress in issue
7. Not noticing the time and leaving my weight training class late
8. Running to Spanish class late
9. While running to Spanish class, I tripped down the stairs and sprained my ankle (it is now huge and I can barely walk)
10. Walking into class late with a limp and having to walk across the whole room to get to a seat
11. Learning Spanish ... it is not really happening
12. Finding out that a worker cannot work her shift and I have to cover during a class.
13. Getting 6 boxes that I have to put away
14. Finding out that you are almost out of money in your checking account and having to take money out of savings
15. I do not know what else is going to happen, but I have a feeling like I will be able to add about 10 more by 6 tonight!

Sometimes (dramatic pause...) life sucks!

Grandma and Roommates

Many of you know that we have been disowned from my dad's side of the family and for those of you who do not know about, I am not going to explain (it is really complicated). My grandma's birthday was earlier this month and we did not do anything for her since we were disowned. My dad decided to call her and ask her to come for dinner. We went out to dinner on Saturday.

We went out to McGrath's Fish House (BTW, it is really good). This is my grandma's favorite restaurant so we decided to treat her. When we got there, she was sitting there all smugly and ready to eat. She seemed excited to see our family, but I am not sure if it was fake or not (I am not sure if she still has hard feelings towards our family). There was awkward conversation between us and it was not that great to see her. All she cared about was my accomplishments so I can make her proud and feel like she is a good grandma (now I know where my dad gets it from). Nothing seemed real the whole night. I felt like I was being fake and I felt like she was being fake. The whole night was awful! There was a lot of awkward pauses and small talk. It was not good at all! It was interesting and I guess it went well, but I am not sure in what way (I guess in an awkward way).

Another event happening in my life is a new place. I moved into my first apartment and I do not know any of my roommates. I met one and we talked for about 5-10 minutes. He seems really nice and he is kind of cute. :) I have not met any of my other ones and I have not met the one I am rooming with. Who knows what they will be like? Will they like me? Will they hate me? What is going to happen? Right now I am sitting home alone. I do not know where they are and even if all of them are here. I have not seen anyone else all day. I guess it is not my fault. We will see what happens...

P.S. I am feeling a lot better after last week! Oh, thanks for dinner Calvin!