I Felt Like I Peed My Pants

15 October 2008
As many of you know, I have not been feeling too well lately because of my Crohn's Disease. I went into the doctor a couple of weeks ago hoping to get some new medication, but that did not happen. He just upped the pills that I am taking right now (this in the past has proven not to work). A couple of weeks went by and I kept getting worse. I have been in pain for probably over a month now... :( I finally was able to get into him again (before my scheduled appointment tomorrow) last week. He decided that he needed to up my medication again and get me into the hospital for some tests.

Yesterday was the first round of tests. On Monday night, I had to drink a lovely Barium Sulfate Berry shake that tasted like crap and metal. It was not good at all and it did not taste like mixed berries as the picture and bottle suggested. After I drank that, I started fasting because I was not allowed to eat or drink until after my CT Scan which was at 11 am the next day. An hour before my CT Scan, I had to drink another Barium Sulfate Berry shake and it tasted exactly the same. Then I had to drink another one 30 minutes before and that one again tasted the same (they should really try to improve the flavors of those things). I went into the CT Scan and had pictures taken of my intestines. Then I had an IV placed in my arm and had some more CT Scans done with Iodine contrast fluid this time. This is where the story gets fun... :)

When Iodine contrast is injected into your bloodstream, it feels really warm and good. It soon spreads out throughout your whole body. You get a lovely metallic taste in your mouth and your inguinal region (the area around your penis and rectum) get really warm. It makes you feel like you are peeing your pants and have something warm shoved up your butt! I am not going to lie... it felt really good! I was in the CT Scanner yesterday for about an hour with that going through my system and I had a good time thinking about life, Madonna, and everything else that went on through my brain.

After my CT Scans, I went to get some blood work done (I still felt warm all over and I still had the metallic taste in my mouth). The blood work was the same old procedure, but the good news was that I did not get the crappy nurse that I usually get (she misses my veins way too often and I usually get bruises from her). So that was great! After I finished everything at the hospital, I went to take a forever long Physical Chemistry test. I was in the testing center for 4.25 hours! That is the longest I have ever been in there. It killed me. The whole time I was a little loopy from some of the drugs that I had in my system, but I think I did fine. I also had "Like A Prayer" stuck in my head by Madonna. That was fun! :) ha!

Yesterday life was interesting. Tomorrow I will find out my results on the medical tests. Today I have been strangely missing the warm feeling of me feeling like I am peeing my pants and that I have something warm up my butt.

9 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

Glad the tests were ... tolerable (?).

Abelard Enigma said...

Hmmm, I think I'm coming up with some ideas for "God Loveth His Children - version 2" covering acceptable activities for the gay celibate.

#1 - drink a Barium Sulfate Berry shake, have Iodine contrast injected into your bloodstream, and have a CT scan.

#2 - take a cold shower after engaging in #1.

Michael said...

Wow! I may have to try that...Do they sell it on the Black Market?

October Rising said...

would you say it was better than sex? Or just as good? ;)

Kurt said...

Wait it felt like you had something up your butt.... maybe it is a blessing?

Cadence said...

huh, I feel jiped... I've had 3 ct's done and two with iodine. I don't remember the first one it was when I was 19 so its been awhile... but the other one was right after my mission it was for my heart so it was quick and im guessing that I didn't get as much but I did have the metalic taste for awhile... owell maybe next time?

Robert said...

Wow, that was great Sean. I'm waiting for a couple of inmates to finish their math tests and I feel bad cause I was failing at silently laughing. I can only picture you during those tests. Awesome. And I love the comments so far on this post. Really, Sean, thanks for sharing this one. Now, I'm going to see if I can get ahold of some Iodine contrast stuff and an needle. What do you say we have a party with it. lol

David said...

Hahaha I wish I would have read this earlier, before I saw you...I would have made fun of you :P

Peas said...

Yuck. That happened almost exactly the way you described it to me when I had appendicitis, except that they made me drink like a gallon of Crystal Light, which I've never been able to drink since.