On My Mind

11 September 2008
I have a lot on my mind and I need to get some of it out so this post is going to mainly just be a word vomit of information for all of you.

First, I want to say that I am absolutely in love with school! I love my schedule of Biochemistry, Physical Chemistry, Molecular Biology, and two Physics classes. They are definitely hard and going to kick my butt, but I am excited to start learning again and challenging myself. I am also grateful to have people that I know in everyone of my classes. It is so nice to be an upperclassmen now and have that happen! School has also put me in an amazing research group! I have met only one person in it so far and I like her already. My first training session is next week and I will meet the rest of my research group. I hope that they are equally cool. I also love the sense of purpose that comes from being in school. It helps me formulate goals and drives me to achieve them. It also gives me a set schedule, which is something that I always work better with.

Second, I want to say thanks to all of those who love and support me. I know that sometimes I am not a good friend because I go into hiding and drop off the face of the earth, not responding to emails, texts, and phone calls, but I really do appreciate your thoughts, messages, and concerns for me. It is nice to feel loved. I know that I do not say thank you enough and I am sorry for that. I am working on being a better friend to everyone and I hope that I do not leave any one of my friends behind for feeling like I shunned them. I also would like to say sorry to any of those friends or people in general that I have hurt because of my actions. I am trying to be the best person that I can and I know that sometimes I am not very good, so sorry.

Third, I love getting random emails from people who read my blog because I love making new friends, even if we do not become very good friends. It makes me feel good inside. I recently got an email from someone new this week. He asked me a few questions about my life since we had some common background and I responded. I am still waiting for a response from him, but if he does not respond, I am fine with that. I just hope that he knows that I am friendly and willing to talk if he needs someone.

Fourth, I need more guy friends. I realized that most of my friends who I hang out with regularly are women. I do not mind this, but I need guy interaction. Sometimes I get overwhelmed by women and need some guys to be around. They do not need be gay. In fact, I think it would be better for me if I could make more straight guy friends. I think just hanging around guys helps me control my sexual tension and frustrations better. I am hoping that there will be some guys in my research group that are cool, would want to hang out with me, and who are preferably not gay.

Last, is a little thought that I have been thinking about. I have been asking myself lately, "What is my purpose here on earth?" The answer that I have come up with is usually different than the usual Mormon answers. Here is my answer (I made it more general to fit everyone): Man's purpose is to find out who he really is. The reason why I came up with is this is because most people do not know who they are, what they represent, what their passions are, what they really want in life, what makes them truly happy, etc. They mainly go with the flow and do what everybody else is doing, get into a job they do not like because it pays well, and other things like that.

That is pretty much everything that has been on my mind.

PS This reminds me of a song from the 80's, "What's On Your Mind" by Information Society... "I want to know, what you're thinking. There are somethings you can't hide. I want to know, what you're feeling. Tell me what's on your mind.


October Rising said...

lunch was fun! thanks :)

Some Like It Hot said...

My entire life most of my close friends have been male. I think probably because I prefer the company of males, so I seek them out. I don't know the first thing about having close female friends. I would like some but don't know how to reach out, do you have any advice?

Rich said...

Hey Sean,

How's it going? I've started reading your blog a little more. I hope things are going better. As you may know, I live in the DC area but if you remember, we had a post Thanksgiving Dinner at Kengo Biddles house (I'm using his pseudonym, of course),

Anyway, you mention the need to have more guy friends. If you ever want to reach out, feel free to include me as a friend. While I may not be physically available, living away from Utah, I can relate and I am always happy to correspond via phone and e-mail. I also will be in Utah this next weekend for the Evergreen Conference. Maybe I'll see you there.

Take care,


Ezra said...

Unfortunately, I'm not straight, but I'd be your friend, Sean. If you ever find yourself coming to Los Angeles, let me know!

Z i n j said...

Sean, I hope this doesn't rock your boat but I'm a little concerned with what you said....

"What is my purpose here on earth?" The answer that I have come up with is usually different than the usual Mormon answers. Here is my answer (I made it more general to fit everyone): Man's purpose is to find out who he really is."

Well I though about this...who are we? Miswired humans with parts that don't fit yet we have all the same expectations as others. With our GOSPEL view of the universe....I don't know who we are or what we are suppose to do. Do you have the answer? It's OK to tell me to go away.

Leslie Elaine said...

Well I am glad that you like school. I miss it and I am glad that you have a better outlook on life right now. Also, I loved how you added an 80s song to your blog. Have you gone lately? I miss it. You should see Mamma Mia, and go to the sing along movie if you can! Dancing Queen ;)