28 September 2008
Some Like It Hot asked me about making friends with girls in an earlier post of mine. I am sorry that it has taken me so long to respond. So here is my response.

Ever since I was little, I had never had a problem making friends with girls. I do not attribute this to the fact that I am gay, but rather most of my neighborhood was filled with girls so I learned how to interact with them (it is not very hard--just be yourself and have a good time). I had a few boy friends when I was growing up but there were not very many in my neighborhood so I did not interact with them a lot--I would much rather hang out with my girl friends. Because of my childhood, I have always seen girls as people that I can get close to and have close relationships with. I do not see them as a threat to my "manhood" to hang out with them. I do not see them as possible relationships, well not at first. I sometimes see a possibility of a relationship later on when we have grown closer as friends and usually it never happens and that is perfectly fine (some girls might do this too, but it usually ends up in the same result). I see them as people that I can go out with and have a good time. The main point is that I see them as friends and people I want to get to know before I see them as anything else.

From talking with a couple of my few straight guy friends, I have found out that they are afraid of girls. They think that girls are always wanting a relationship from them and/or that they are always reading into the relationship when in reality there is nothing there. They also think that they cannot be themselves around girls because girls will not like them. I usually laugh at this part. Sure that happens sometimes (a girl reading into things)--it happened to me in the summer, but that was the first time it has ever happened to me! Most girls would love to have some guy friends to hang out with and do fun things with. It does not have to be in a dating situation. It can be in a group situation. A lot of them do not expect a relationship to happen. I think that this is where growing up Mormon messes with a lot of people. People start to get unrealistic expectations of friendships with girls or guys (if you are a girl) and this also leads to them feeling like they cannot be themselves around girls or guys. They think that when they start getting in a close friendship with a girl or a guy, that it might progress to the next level when they do not want it to. That is an unrealistic response. Then they, usually the guy, push away and end up hurting each other. I have seen too many of my close girl friends get hurt because they do not know why one of their close guy friends stopped talking to them. I usually attribute it to this. Some people might also think that if they act like they truly are, that people will not like them so they stay away from girls or guys. That does happen sometimes, but you cannot change that and most of the time this does not happen, at least from my experience.

It is interesting that a lot go guys are also scared to go out on dates or they have to get the courage to ask girls out on dates. I think that this is ridiculous and goes along with the same lines as what I mentioned above. People are putting way too much pressure on themselves and the possibility of a relationship and/or people reading into their actions wrong. I go on dates for fun because quite frankly, dating is fun. It is fun to get out, to do something you usually do not do, and to do it with someone you want to get to know better. It is also a good way to show them that you care about them, even if it is not going to become a relationship. Sure it might be with someone you like, someone who likes you, or just a close friend, but it does not have to lead to a relationships. It could be the start of a really good friendship that will last a long time and be full of fun.

So again, my main point is that I see girl as friends, people that I can have a good time with, and people I can be myself with.

I hope this helps, but if it does not and you want more of my thoughts, email me (swimfreaksean[AT]gmail[DOT]com).


Some Like It Hot said...

Thanks for sharing. It was a good read.