Telling The Truth

21 March 2009
I have had an amazing friend for a number of years who has never known about my deep dark secret, that doesn't seem to be much of a secret anymore. I have been slowly, but surely coming out to more and more people--it's very refreshing.

Last night she, let's call her Galadriel (yes, I am a nerd), called me and was distraught and in tears. I was studying in the library and I told her that I would come to her wherever she needed me. Well, she so happened to be at the temple. I made my way out of the library and found her in her car. We walked on the grounds talking about many subjects and thoughts that were on her mind. Eventually, we made our way to the back of the Provo temple and sat down on one of the benches there. As I was holding her in my arms and listening to her story, I kept saying things that didn't make much sense to her such as "one night can change your life forever." She wasn't getting the intent of what I was saying so I changed what I said around and moved off that topic. Then another topic came up and I started to say other things like "my life has always been different than normal Mormons and it will always be different," "high school was hell for me," "have you ever hated yourself for something that was a natural part of you?" and things like that. I didn't mean to say a lot of these things, but her emotions were mixing with mine because I really knew how she felt.

I then asked her, "do you want to know the truth about me?" This confused her at first because she wasn't really sure what I was referring to. She said that she wanted to know what I was talking about and that I could share anything with her. Then it kind of just came out. I told her that I was gay. I told her that I had been lying to her for many years when I told her that I had girlfriends when in reality they were boyfriends. I told her about how I've almost been kicked out of BYU and about how I'm not as strong in the Church as she thinks I am. I told her how she and my new best guy friend, I'll call him Aaron, have helped me be the happiest I have ever been this past year. Galadriel and Aaron basically helped me through so much without ever realizing it. They gave me purpose to life and they became my best friends. She told me that she loves me so much and that she was so glad that I shared everything with her. Galadriel told me before I told her everything that her new life motto is that all that matters in life is how we treat others. She is so much wiser than beyond her years and I am so glad that I was able to talk to her about everything. It felt so good to tell her the truth and know that I can always be myself around her now.

We also discussed coming out to Aaron and she told me that it would probably be a good idea. I've been toying with the idea for a couple of months now and it seems like now is an opportune moment. I also know that when I tell him that he will go directly to Galadriel and it makes me happy to know that she is on my side, no matter what.


Ezra said...

For me, coming out got easier and easier every time. There are no teary heart to hearts anymore--mostly because anyone I really love already knows, but also because it just is--there's nothing to get worked up about.

Hope your friend Aaron takes it as well as Gala... whatever. :)

Alan said...

I love stories like this.

Go for it, Sean. If Aaron is the good friend you think, he'll be a better one after you come out to him. If he isn't, then you will know the truth. Either way, it's upside for you.

Let us know what happens!

Hidden said...

I'm so glad to hear that you still have people near you who can support you and uplift you that keep you going and help you feel happy. I love you and miss you so much.

Beck said...

Oh the memories of precious experiences had at the benches east of the Provo Temple! They are many... and this warms me to know you've had one, too.

I'm anxious to know of your next development with Aaron as you live "the opened path".

Anonymous said...

Wow your an inspiration! I don't think I could ever tell anyone at BYU how i feel, thanks for the story.

BYU Student