"Seriously, I Need Some Action"

15 August 2008
I have been having an email conversation with my good friend Caitlin who is in London on study abroad and something interesting came up that I wanted to share with all of you.

She told me a story of all of her roommates (there are like 12 of them) sitting around and talking. They were tip-toeing around the subject of getting some sort of affection from guys and then finally flat-out said, "Seriously, I need some action." There are around 30 girls in her study abroad group and 3 or 4 guys--I do not remember exactly. So the chances of hooking up and getting some action are very slim unless they hook up with the locals. When I read this in her email, I laughed really hard. Then I thought that this applies to me and almost everyone too--unless there are some people out there who are never horny.

I need and crave action just like every straight and gay person in the world. I guess the problem is that I crave action from guys and according to the Church, getting action from guys is wrong. I have never had the desire to cuddle, make-out, and have sex with a woman. It is just something that is not appealing to me. I will give you two examples that have happened to me in the last little while. About two weeks ago, I was hanging out with one of my straight friends--he is now on a mission... :(. I find him attractive and we were watching a movie at his place. I just wanted to get closer to him and cuddle with him. Then the other night I was hanging out with two girls. They are both fairly attractive and they are really fun. We went back to their place to watch a movie. We all jumped in their lovesac and cuddled. I cuddled with them because they wanted to do it. I did feel nice, but it was not something that I was craving. Another example is with another girl. She likes me a lot. She has been putting the moves on me and trying to get some action from her. The thing is that I do not want to kiss her or even get close to her. It kind of repulses me to be quite honest.

These moments when I get horny and crave action (it happens a lot) can be trying and break me down after awhile. After being broken down, I satisfy these cravings by sometimes going to masturbation and porn, but these are also bad and I personally do not like being addicted to either of them. They make me feel gross and out of control of my life. I wish there was an easier way to curve these cravings. Alas, there is not...

The moral of the story is that I am gay and horny. I need some action, but the place that I want action causes problems with the Church. Sigh...

5 comments:

Kengo Biddles said...

Poor, poor Sean. I hear you--it's not easy.

David said...

Sean! You're one of my favorite people...it was good texting with you today. :)

A CROW'S VIEW said...

Sometimes you do scare me.

Z i n j said...

Sean..I was wondering why would the church ever stop someone from going on a mission other than a period of repentence and then off you go

Shelly Ru & Tigger Too! said...

Sean! I understand!! I've been there TOO many times :) I got out of an addiction to masturbation, 3 years ago, and things have felt better (for the most part) ever since. This can be so hard! The best way I found to overcome all this junk was to go to the Lord. He knows you, and He loves you. Congratulations for continuing to try!! You are sooo strong, Sean! My commendations, completely!