15 May 2009
This week has been a very interesting week for me. It has been filled with a lot of ups and downs that I haven't experienced in a very long time. The good news, however, is that things are definitely looking up again and life is pretty much amazing! :)

I guess it started on Monday. I got up early and went swimming with my best bud Aaron. Then my day was full of studying for my Immunology test on Tuesday. It was an ok day until later in the evening. I get a response from an email that I sent to a guy I was crushing on and who was in turn crushing back on me. It basically said what a lot of people tell me. It is something that I don't completely understand. He told me that he liked a lot about me, but his heart was telling him to go somewhere else. This was due to the fact that I was too driven and that it just wouldn't work out with us because of that. I then sent him an email telling him that I started to get that impression and that it would probably just be better to be friends anyways. He agreed and now we are just good friends. I'm not sure if this relationship would have gone anywhere in the first place, but it kind of made my night a little worse.

I then took my test on Tuesday and totally rocked it (I only missed one so close yet so far from perfection)! Then I started thinking about what the guy said to me about how driven I was. I realized that I am completely driven. I know what I want in life and I know what I have to do to get it. This then put a damper on a good day. I went about my normal business on Tuesday with me being so driven in the back of my head. Thoughts were flying everywhere about what people have said to me in the past about my drive. People have told me that I don't make time for them. People tell me that they are afraid of my goals and dreams. People have said that they are jealous of my drive and passions, but could never do or want it themselves. People have also told me that I need to back off and be more relaxed about life. I've also had one person tell me that I could never be in a long lasting relationship because of my drive since my love and life is my drive. There are a lot of other things that have also been said but they are generally all of the same context. All of this brought me down to a low that I haven't been in a very long time.

Wednesday came and I went swimming again with my two best friends. That made me feel better but they could tell something was wrong with me. I just pushed it off telling them that I was tired and didn't get enough sleep last night. They left it at that and we went out to breakfast before I had to head to class. I went to class and learned that I set the curve on the test and that made me feel a little better, but I was still down. I had a lunch date with a girl that I've been going out with for awhile that kind of brought up my mood. We were chatting over lunch and having a good time when she brought up the topic of the relationship's progression. She basically told me the same thing as the guy said. I was too driven and that we should probably just be friends! UGH! This made my week even worse. Everything has been toppling down. Wednesday night I decided to not to do anything except stay at home. I watched LOST and loved it and then read a lot from Great Expectations by Charles Dickens (I love Dickens and that book). That made my night a little bit better. I then had a friend give me call and we chatted for awhile. She was wonderful and so helpful.

Then Thursday came around and it was a really good day. Everything in lab went perfectly. I went out to lunch with some good friends. I got everything done that I needed to at work. My old crush visited me at work and we had a great chat over chips and guacamole salsa. My mom made my favorite meal for dinner. I also read some more from Great Expectations. Everything was looking and getting better. I started feeling good about everything again. Then I get a text to go out and play glow in the dark ultimate frisbee. That was exactly what I needed to get my spirits back up and fully recharged. I saw a lot of people that I hadn't seen a very long time there and had a blast with them. I also met a lot of new people. We played for two hours and our team won by a point! It was a blast and a half and I totally enjoyed it. I then went to bed and woke up this morning to go swimming with my best buds.

Tonight I have either dancing or hanging out with a good friend tonight--I'm not sure which one yet. Then I'm hanging out with a lot of my close friends over the weekend. I'm pretty much stoked. I'm feeling myself once again and I'm feeling "21 and Invincible" again. I still have the question in the back of my mind if I am too driven. That's the person who I've always been and I really don't want to change that aspect about myself because I love that aspect about myself.

Anyways, I'm trying not to let it bother me, but I'm still curious about it. What do you all think? Am I too driven?


Ezra said...

First of all, being driven is a GOOD THING!

The problem I have is that just about every guy I've dated is a loser--no car, living at home--it's pathetic, and a huge turn off.

You know what you want and you're going after it with all your might. That's awesome. You'll find someone who's equally driven!

Kengo Biddles said...

I'll agree that you're driven, but I think I'm actually more driven -- after all, I hardly drive myself anywhere, Marci does the driving.

Har har har.

But seriously, yes, you're driven, and much so, but at the same time I think it's good for this point of where you are in life.

Kenz said...

"People tell me they're afraid of my goals and dreams."

What the hell? The only time people should be afraid of your goals and dreams are if they involve killing someone in the woods or developing a meth lab. I think you're great. Plus, you're young. It's as good a time as any to focus on your future and make the things you want happen.

Being too driven? Huh, that's just weird. Okay, I can see it going overboard in a Hitler-esque sense. But pursuing your medical dream career...I don't see anything wrong with that as long as you're not stepping on top of other people to get there.

camille said...

great expectations is one of my favorite books. hooray!

Beck said...

You have a passion! Don't let anyone take that away from you. So many people have no ambition or passion for anything and just let life happen. You don't. Don't worry about it. Being passionate about your goals and desires and ambitions is what keeps you going and doing good! Go for it.

As for Dickens... I'm sorry by "Tale of Two Cities" is my favorite, not "Great Expectations".

El Genio said...

As others have said, there is absolutely nothing wrong with being driven. People who truly love you will look for ways to support and encourage you in your worthy goals. Of course, some people prefer a different path than the one that you have already planned. Separating them from the "wheat" is just a natural part of the dating process.

salad said...

what is wrong with you people and liking Great Expectations?? drex is reading it right now too. i wanted to gouged my eyes out when i read it. i guess i can chalk it up to freshman (high school) english.

we need to hang out soon! i only have 3 more weeks of school. HUZZAH!! and then we can play lots and lots because i miss your guts like crazy!

there's nothing wrong with knowing what you want out of life and going after it with vim and vigor. it means you actually get things accomplished where a lot of people dork around for most of their lives and get nothing done. so never fear, you're amazing!