My life has continually changed since I have started this blog. Along with my life changes has come changes in this blog. My life is no longer what it used to be and neither is this blog. I no longer feel the need to write my story on it's pages. I'm not sure what to do with it anymore. We'll see if this blog will develop into something new or shrivel and fall by the wayside.
I still write occasionally on my other blogs. The links are given below.
Journal-like blog for friends and family (not gay friendly). Feel free to read and comment if you would like to, but please use discretion with your comments.
Personal, more introspective blog about searching for meaning in my life.
PS I'm still contemplating what to do with this blog. So if any of you have ideas, feel free to let me know.
I Just Want...
14 January 2011
Dear God,
The only thing that I want in the world right now is to be accepted at NYU.
Love,
Sean
The only thing that I want in the world right now is to be accepted at NYU.
Love,
Sean
The Italian Stallion
09 January 2011
I am so mad right now! This weekend was my birthday and everything was a hot mess until The Italian Stallion decided to be an utter douche bag. I need to give some background of The Italian Stallion so you all can understand why he's a douche bag and no longer my friend.
The Italian Stallion (further called TIS from here on out) is a colleague at work. He was one of my first straight friends in Frederick. TIS was very nice and welcoming. He starting inviting me to bars with him and other colleagues, and we quickly became close. Eventually, TIS started talking about sex with women, picking up on chicks, etc. I always came up with an excuse or just changed the topic. I asked another colleague who already knew that I am gay about coming out to her and the rest of her lab. She said that should be perfectly fine. I did that and TIS seemed to be ok with everything. Quickly, our friendship changed. He was no longer inviting me to events and texting me. Then he started avoid conversations with me. It became interesting, but I decided not to care because I have made other friends. Jump forward to this weekend.
I invited his lab to go out with me to celebrate my birthday. A couple of them wanted to go to a gay bar and club to experience it. He told me that he was going to Delaware this weekend and couldn't make it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed he was actually going to go to Delaware. Well, last night I come to find out that he did not go to Delaware and stayed home this whole weekend. Again, I decided not to care because I don't consider him a close friend anymore. Then he started texting one of the male colleagues during the evening. He was asking about the gay people hitting on my colleague, how weird it was, etc. That started to bother me. I didn't let it get to me and ruin my night though. Then this morning he texted a couple of my male colleagues asking them if they were ass raped last night and received HIV from it, because all gay men have HIV. That seriously irritated me. What kind of naive, conservative douche bag is he? It makes me wonder what he thinks of me. I'm guessing he thinks I'm a whore who has HIV and who is spreading it around to all of the heterosexuals. UGH! I want him to say something to my face so that I could confront him. I have A LOT I want to say to him.
As I have been talking to my colleagues, we have all decided that TIS is a closet gay. He is very homophobic, hypermasculine, insecure, touchy-feely (he touches everyone but me whenever they walk by him), never has had a girlfriend, and other markers. Also, TIS will not make eye contact with me for fear of catching the gay, but I catch him staring at me all the time when I'm not looking at him.
My question is what do I do? Should I just confront him about everything that is bothering me or should I just let it go? I'm not one to take crap from people, but I don't want to mess up work dynamics and have people start hating him and me. Also, if he is truly gay, I don't want to force him out of the closet when I feel like he is so very deep in it. Sigh... I wish there was an easy way out of this one.
The Italian Stallion (further called TIS from here on out) is a colleague at work. He was one of my first straight friends in Frederick. TIS was very nice and welcoming. He starting inviting me to bars with him and other colleagues, and we quickly became close. Eventually, TIS started talking about sex with women, picking up on chicks, etc. I always came up with an excuse or just changed the topic. I asked another colleague who already knew that I am gay about coming out to her and the rest of her lab. She said that should be perfectly fine. I did that and TIS seemed to be ok with everything. Quickly, our friendship changed. He was no longer inviting me to events and texting me. Then he started avoid conversations with me. It became interesting, but I decided not to care because I have made other friends. Jump forward to this weekend.
I invited his lab to go out with me to celebrate my birthday. A couple of them wanted to go to a gay bar and club to experience it. He told me that he was going to Delaware this weekend and couldn't make it. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and believed he was actually going to go to Delaware. Well, last night I come to find out that he did not go to Delaware and stayed home this whole weekend. Again, I decided not to care because I don't consider him a close friend anymore. Then he started texting one of the male colleagues during the evening. He was asking about the gay people hitting on my colleague, how weird it was, etc. That started to bother me. I didn't let it get to me and ruin my night though. Then this morning he texted a couple of my male colleagues asking them if they were ass raped last night and received HIV from it, because all gay men have HIV. That seriously irritated me. What kind of naive, conservative douche bag is he? It makes me wonder what he thinks of me. I'm guessing he thinks I'm a whore who has HIV and who is spreading it around to all of the heterosexuals. UGH! I want him to say something to my face so that I could confront him. I have A LOT I want to say to him.
As I have been talking to my colleagues, we have all decided that TIS is a closet gay. He is very homophobic, hypermasculine, insecure, touchy-feely (he touches everyone but me whenever they walk by him), never has had a girlfriend, and other markers. Also, TIS will not make eye contact with me for fear of catching the gay, but I catch him staring at me all the time when I'm not looking at him.
My question is what do I do? Should I just confront him about everything that is bothering me or should I just let it go? I'm not one to take crap from people, but I don't want to mess up work dynamics and have people start hating him and me. Also, if he is truly gay, I don't want to force him out of the closet when I feel like he is so very deep in it. Sigh... I wish there was an easy way out of this one.
HOMO•SEXUAL
This is a very interesting video about the history and misconceptions of homosexuality by the general population.
My Voice
18 December 2010
Beck, here is my voice again. I'm not sure what I'm going to write about, but here I go...
I know that some of you probably have been wondering what I've been up to and where I've been. Well, nothing too exiting has happen in my life. It's been very boring actually. I have had three MD/PhD interviews, and I feel like I belong in these programs or at least an MD/PhD program.
My first interview was at Boston University in October. BU was a great place. I really liked and felt like I fit in. My interviews went very well and the old Dean of Admissions told me that I would be "a good fit" at BU. I lOVE Boston and definitely could live there, so I wouldn't mind living there for 8 some odd years. The only problem with BU is that I don't receive my stipend all my years of school. The is a down side and I don't want to go into debt, especially when I will be starting my career around age 35.
My second interview was at Tufts University in November. It appears that the Boston schools like me and think I'll fit into their program. Tufts was also a great school. I fell in love with one researcher and his research. He is an up and coming researcher who is proving wrong many of the believed concepts of T cell activation. He would help my career go far. Also, Tufts is very keen on mentoring. They constantly have people checking up on the MD/Phds and helping them through the long process. Another benefit is that I am funded all of my years of school and I receive a stipend. One problem is the push to finish the program in 7 years. I wonder if moving through the program faster could be a disservice to students.
My last interview was last weekend at NYU. I absolutely loved NYU! The school is amazing, the people are amazing, the research is amazing, the immunology department is amazing, the facilities are amazing, and NYC is always amazing. Right now, I would consider NYU my topic choice. I was very impressed with their dedication to infectious disease immunology. They are currently expanding the immunology department, which means a lot of new, up and coming researchers will be at NYU. Also, I felt a strong sense of belonging at NYU. I was well received by all my interviewers and I made friends quickly with students. I also made a really good friend at NYU who was also an interviewee.
The first round of acceptances for all of these schools is in January. I hope I hear good news from all of them. I am still waiting to hear back from 8 schools. That means that I have had 3 interviews and 9 rejections. I'm pretty sure that at least half of the schools left will send me a rejection.
Ummm, that's my schooling life. I'm not sure what else to write about. I am very happy with where I am and I love what I'm doing. I have found peace and harmony in my life. I love the east coast and I love DC. I can't see myself moving back to the west coast anytime soon. I still consider myself churchless. I haven't gone back to church in a very long time. I have no desire to. I have allowed my home teachers to come and talk to me and the missionaries have started knocking on my door (I have yet to answer the door because they always come at the worst times). My home teachers seem only to be there to get their quota in because they don't put much thought into their lessons and make them specific to me. Also, they are trying to get me to come back to church. They have never asked why I no longer attend and they never ask if they could do anything for me. So yeah...
Political issues... Politics are politics and I don't care to talk about them. Also, I don't care to get involved either.
Yeah, I guess that is my voice right now. There isn't much to it probably because everything is going very smoothly for me. Things are working out and I feel really good about my life. The decisions I am making are what's best for me and I'm continuing on the path I've set up for myself.
I know that some of you probably have been wondering what I've been up to and where I've been. Well, nothing too exiting has happen in my life. It's been very boring actually. I have had three MD/PhD interviews, and I feel like I belong in these programs or at least an MD/PhD program.
My first interview was at Boston University in October. BU was a great place. I really liked and felt like I fit in. My interviews went very well and the old Dean of Admissions told me that I would be "a good fit" at BU. I lOVE Boston and definitely could live there, so I wouldn't mind living there for 8 some odd years. The only problem with BU is that I don't receive my stipend all my years of school. The is a down side and I don't want to go into debt, especially when I will be starting my career around age 35.
My second interview was at Tufts University in November. It appears that the Boston schools like me and think I'll fit into their program. Tufts was also a great school. I fell in love with one researcher and his research. He is an up and coming researcher who is proving wrong many of the believed concepts of T cell activation. He would help my career go far. Also, Tufts is very keen on mentoring. They constantly have people checking up on the MD/Phds and helping them through the long process. Another benefit is that I am funded all of my years of school and I receive a stipend. One problem is the push to finish the program in 7 years. I wonder if moving through the program faster could be a disservice to students.
My last interview was last weekend at NYU. I absolutely loved NYU! The school is amazing, the people are amazing, the research is amazing, the immunology department is amazing, the facilities are amazing, and NYC is always amazing. Right now, I would consider NYU my topic choice. I was very impressed with their dedication to infectious disease immunology. They are currently expanding the immunology department, which means a lot of new, up and coming researchers will be at NYU. Also, I felt a strong sense of belonging at NYU. I was well received by all my interviewers and I made friends quickly with students. I also made a really good friend at NYU who was also an interviewee.
The first round of acceptances for all of these schools is in January. I hope I hear good news from all of them. I am still waiting to hear back from 8 schools. That means that I have had 3 interviews and 9 rejections. I'm pretty sure that at least half of the schools left will send me a rejection.
Ummm, that's my schooling life. I'm not sure what else to write about. I am very happy with where I am and I love what I'm doing. I have found peace and harmony in my life. I love the east coast and I love DC. I can't see myself moving back to the west coast anytime soon. I still consider myself churchless. I haven't gone back to church in a very long time. I have no desire to. I have allowed my home teachers to come and talk to me and the missionaries have started knocking on my door (I have yet to answer the door because they always come at the worst times). My home teachers seem only to be there to get their quota in because they don't put much thought into their lessons and make them specific to me. Also, they are trying to get me to come back to church. They have never asked why I no longer attend and they never ask if they could do anything for me. So yeah...
Political issues... Politics are politics and I don't care to talk about them. Also, I don't care to get involved either.
Yeah, I guess that is my voice right now. There isn't much to it probably because everything is going very smoothly for me. Things are working out and I feel really good about my life. The decisions I am making are what's best for me and I'm continuing on the path I've set up for myself.
Disciples
Joel Burns, "It Gets Better"
14 October 2010
This is the best "It Gets Better" movie I have seen so far. I absolutely love every aspect of this. It is raw and full of emotion. What I love even more is that it happens during a city council meeting.
Thanks Kenz for sharing this with me!
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